Here I am!  Did you think I forgot about you?

Truth is, life has been very good - very normal - very busy since I last wrote this past summer.  I have been working full time in the PT clinic, running my photography business (which was super busy all summer and fall, thankfully!), traveling, spending time with family and friends - and just living my normal life.  Of course, this also consisted of my daily meds, monthly injections and visits with Dr. F every 12 weeks.  

There has been so much I have wanted to update the blog about but each time I had some down time, it just didn't feel like what I wanted to spend my time doing.  I never wanted to feel obligated to keep the blog going.  I wanted it to feel right - to feel like something I wanted to do - needed to do.  Not only for all of you, but mostly for myself.  It got to the point where there were so many things I wanted to share (like all of the amazing things we accomplished for MBC at the Komen Race for the Cure, my opportunity to speak and share my story at a few different events, and the once in a lifetime experience I was able to have in Hawaii!) that it became overwhelming and it felt like I was so behind, that I just took a break for awhile.  Fully intending to get back to it when it felt right.  

Well, I guess that time has come.  I will eventually catch you all up to speed about all of the things on my mental "blog to-write" list but for now I want to just fill everyone in on the most recent state of my health.  

I have always dealt with on and off back pain and muscle spasms since my diagnosis.  But on October 25th, I started experiencing severe left hip pain.  I was practicing yoga 3-4 times each week but couldn't think of any specific injury or cause for the pain.  However, I have often thought I had a micro tear in the labrum of my hip, so I thought that I probably further tore it and that would explain the pain I felt with flexing my hip.  Thankfully, my co-worker would work on it a little at work for me and it got a bit better so that I could at least tolerate a few minutes of sitting without being in near tears.

As my trip to Hawaii drew near, I started getting nervous for the long flight and decided to see an orthopedic surgeon to have my hip checked out.  He did an x-ray which turned out fine and then ordered an MRI which unfortunately couldn't be done until the day I came home from Hawaii.  To make a long story short, after lots of drama trying to get this MRI done, it turned out that the hip MRI was fine. No labral tear - no reason for the pain I was experiencing.  He ordered a lumbar spine MRI but at that point I was getting pretty nervous that it might not be orthopedic in nature and decided I would rather go through my oncologist for further testing.  

The day after Thanksgiving, I experienced the worst pain I have ever felt in my life as my back went into full spasms and I felt like my bones were being crushed.  I was in agony and tears for nearly 24 hours and poor Mike was terrified.  At that point, I started getting nervous something serious was going on but also thought maybe I just over did it on Thanksgiving, which we hosted at our house.  

The following Monday, I had my usual scans and received the results later that week.  Dr. F informed us that everything looked stable and he thought we should stay on my current treatment plan.  Although this was good news, I didn't feel right about it.  And once I read the scan reports, I felt even worse as I questioned a few things that were noted that I didn't think were there in previous scans, although I know that Dr. F always says that these reports can fluctuate greatly in the amount of detail that is provided depending on which radiologist reads my scans.  It was the first time that I didn't feel happy to hear what was supposed to be good news.  I was prepared for bad news based on how I was feeling and because I was still having a lot of pain, it was hard to feel the normal relief I get when I hear good news from Dr. F.

Dr. F ordered a lumbar spine MRI to further investiage the cause of my pain.  I figured that I must have a herniated disc since the other scans were good and I was hoping that's what the MRI would show.  Unfortunately, last week I received the news that there is a new tumor that has grown out from my T12 vertebra in my spine and this tumor is causing compression on my spinal nerves, which is likely responsible for the pain that is radiating to my hip.  

This means that my current treatment is no longer working and we need to change the course.  Dr. F has switched me from Tamoxifen to Arimidex and decided that I would also benefit from radiation to my spine.  I saw the radiation oncologist, Dr. M on Tuesday and will fill you all in on the radiation plan in my next post.  

Of course the news of my first progression is difficult and something I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with for years to come.  But unfortunately, this is the reality of living with metastatic breast cancer.  The cancer starts to outsmart the treatment, the disease progresses, and the patient has to move on to a new drug - until there are now new treatments to try.  I am grateful for the 3 stable years I had on Tamoxifen, and for the great quality of life I experienced.  Aside from joint aches, hot flashes, night sweats, and fatigue, I felt really great on this treatment.  I am praying to feel just as good on Arimidex and that it helps me get right back into a stable state with no active disease. 

I have started my new drug and will begin radiation next week.  I would love some extra thoughts and prayers if you can spare them.  Specifically, that radiation is able to completely zap this new tumor out of my body, that the new drug stops the cancer from further growing, and that I get some relief from my hip pain soon.  I am unable to sit or lay down without pain and it's made it very hard for me to get through the day and to get any rest at night.  

I am handling this news in stride and deep down I think I was prepared for it.  I knew something was going on in my body and I believe God prepared me and gave me some peace about what was to come.  I am feeling confident in my new treatment plan, in my incredible doctors, and that God will continue to watch over me and let me hang out for awhile longer because there is so much I still want to accomplish in this life.  

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!  Thank you for checking the blog and thinking of me.  I appreciate at all of the love and support so very much.  

I'll update more soon (I promise!) about radiation and where we go from here. 
love,
Meghan