Hey there long lost blog readers. Man, it has sure been awhile. In all actuality, this is really just a test to see who is still checking in on me. If you read this, leave a comment and then I will know to bump you up in your ranking of people I love most. haha, just kidding. I truly can't believe how long it has been since my last post. I remember writing my very first blog entry and commenting that I was going to pray for a time when my life would be too ordinary and boring to even write about and hoped the blog would be short lived. Well, I can't necessarily say that life has been "ordinary" or boring either. But I will say that as the months, and now YEARS have passed since my diagnosis, I am able to focus more of my time and energy on other aspects of my life besides cancer.
I continue to have days or even weeks, where I might struggle a little more...whether it is due to joint pain from my medication, stress about a fellow survivor dealing with a recurrence, or saddness regarding the tough issues and ways this disease has affected Mike and I on a deeper level. But, I have tried my best to work through these times on my own -or by talking it out with Mike or close friends. I will admit that I continue to struggle with a great deal of survivors guilt after losing so many friends to this disease and so it has become difficult for me to log on to the blog and vent about the hard times I am facing. I know those friends would give anything to have even one more "bad day" with the ones they love. The logial part of my brain knows it's okay (and even healthy) to let these emotions out, but the emotional side of my brain tells me to try to suck it up and deal with it more privately rather than feeling pity from others or perhaps subconsciously seek pep talks through you all via the blog.
We are all dealing with tough stuff in life. I don't have a single friend or family member who isn't trying to cope with some aspect of stress, heartache or loss. And although there have been many times where I let myself slip into the darkness of feeling like we constantly get hit blow after blow, worse than many people, I try to do my best to snap myself out of it and count my blessings instead.
On that note, if you are one of the incredible people who has been used to following my story through the blog but I don't know personally; you might not know that I had another round of scans last week and everything looks really good. I am still stable with no new disease anywhere and it looks like this treatment has been working! This is the second set of scans I have had since radiation in January due to my recurrence in my spine. I have been dealing with some new side effects that started in June but nothing too serious or severe enough to make me reconsider this course of treatment. If it is working...keep it coming!
So, I just wanted to say a quick hello and remind you all that I am still here - plugging along as a wife, puppy momma, daughter, sister, friend, physical therapist and photographer. I am staying way too busy and although I am often tired, I am thankful that being busy also means I am feeling well enough to pack too much on my plate.
Thank you to all of you who continue to love me, support me and cheer me on - even when things seem calm and uneventful between scans - because truthfully, you may never know when I am struggling emotionally the most. It comes and goes and seems to hit during the most unexpected times. I promise to try to make more of an effort to show up on the blog more soon because I do think it is a healthy and cathartic practice for me and the love I receive in return is priceless.
Happy Fall - my favorite time of the year!
ps - There have been so many great events and activities I have been fortunate to have been a part of this year. I will definitely post more pics, info and videos soon but for now, here is a recent pic of Mike and I from my brother in-law Dan's wedding a couple weeks ago. It was a gorgeous wedding in Charlevoix and we are so excited to welcome Amber into the family!
My blog to keep you all