The last two weeks have felt like an avalanche of thoughts and emotions. I have been spending a lot of time trying to navigate through it in my own mind and having some very difficult and honest conversations with close family and friends. I have tried to carry on as usual and had a lot of fun over the last two weeks between Memorial Day weekend festivities and a getaway with my undergrad girlfriends - but I would be lying if I didn't say this latest news has remained at the forefront of my mind. It has felt like a pot of boiling water, bubbling up to the surface, ready to overflow at any second while I struggle to quickly fit the lid back on and push down all the scary thoughts before they consume me. Thoughts about what this could all truly mean, what if the next treatment doesn't work, what happens when there aren't more options, is this the last time I will enjoy feeling relatively healthy, how much time do I have, what will happen to Mike, to my mom....it's overwhelming and all too real. This is the most scared I have felt in the last 12 years since my initial diagnosis. I knew I would be able to start feeling a little better once we had a plan. Today we decided upon one. Mike and I met with Dr. F today and he shared that the results from my cardiac test came back great. So thankful for positive news! His recommendation was to start a new chemo regimen of adriamycin and cytoxan, with treatment every week for three weeks, followed by one week off. While I did set up an appointment with the Phase 1 clinical trials team for next week, it doesn't sound like there is anything incredibly promising for me there so this is our best chance for some stability right now. After a lengthy conversation, we all agreed on this plan and I headed to the infusion center to get started. What a weird feeling and full circle moment to be returning to the same two chemo drugs that I first started with all those years ago. But as I've said to Mike and Dr. F - I feel a little relief about facing the devil I know vs. the devil I don't. I've taken these drugs before. It was tough, but I did it. I handled it once and I will do it again. So, one round down - hopefully many more to go! I will stay on this for at least three months as long as nothing unexpected happens. After that, I will have scans again to see if it's working. So, we are first praying that my body handles this treatment well, that it is effective, and that I can stay on it with a healthy and strong heart, as long as possible! Oh, and they expect I will start losing my hair in the next 2-3 weeks. I'll save my thoughts on that for another day. I'm wiped out after 5 hours at Karmanos today. But I will say it's bothering me more than it did 12 years ago to think about losing my hair. It's not about the actual hair, it's about the mental game it plays on you when you start to "look sick". There is no forgetting about cancer or pushing it to the recesses of your mind like I've been fortunate to do for many stretches of time over the years. I am so thankful for such an outpouring of love and support after my latest update. When things get especially hard, it's all of you that keep our spirits up and remind us we have a huge community of support and we are never in this alone. I am truly so grateful for every single thought, prayer, well-wish, comment, text, call, note, meal - the list goes on. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to be on this journey together with us.
xoxo, Meg
19 Comments
Helen Harding
6/8/2023 09:57:15 pm
You are so strong & so loved! I think of your bright smile all those years ago at the zoo! You are a force & I will be holding you & Mike in my prayers! 🙏🏼💐💓
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Bob Hart
6/8/2023 10:03:52 pm
Meghan - we think of you all of the time with love and positive thoughts. Here is to the next chapter and challenge in your inspirational story. Thank you for your strength and willingness to share your story and your inner struggles. We wish for the best results possible in this next round. We know you will keep fighting the good fight. Our best to Mike as well. Love, Bob & Deb.
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Hayley Leichtman
6/8/2023 10:08:46 pm
Prayers for you, Mike and your family ❣️
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Norma Barquet
6/8/2023 10:29:12 pm
Dear Meghan, my prayers are with you always. You are loved by many and that includes me. You are a special and beautiful young woman, gifted and talented in so many ways. May God hold you in the palm of His hand. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and send you positive energy. Love and light, my darling Meghan ❤️🙏🏼😘
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Chels
6/8/2023 11:31:44 pm
Love you. Sending all my everything to you. ❤️
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Jenny Flanagan
6/9/2023 12:34:28 am
I love you Meghan. I have one of my Bible study groups praying for you and will continue. Praying that God’s presence will be felt during this valley season and that the mountain or hilltop is soon to come and you will look back, “I made it through the fire again!”
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Audra
6/9/2023 01:14:27 am
Meg - you bare your experience with us so beautifully, generously and bravely. Maybe hair is just a shield to hide behind and you don’t need it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Cathy foster
6/9/2023 05:16:02 am
Meg, you are such an inspiration to us all. I miss seeing your face and hope to be back at TRP soon. ❤️,
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Diane Daley Ullrich
6/9/2023 07:10:51 am
Meghan
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Wendy Morman
6/9/2023 07:11:06 am
Meghan - I have followed your long and eventful journey through your blog and in conversations with your mom and Doug. You are strong and have come through so many trials. Stay strong and know that so many are pulling for you, including someone like me who really only knows you through what I read and hear from family. My thoughts and positive vibes are sent to you with love and hopes that this treatment works and you come back stronger than ever.
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Roni Hall
6/9/2023 07:22:11 am
You are undoubtedly the most amazing person I know. With all you are dealing with, you continue to inspire others. Your ‘team’ has your back. Lean on all the love and prayers they provide and let it comfort and strengthen you. You are so loved!!! ❤️
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Deb Hart
6/9/2023 09:10:15 am
Positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family and your caregivers. You can kick this!
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Delana
6/9/2023 10:10:19 am
You have made such a difference in my life and that of Danielle’s, we love you much.
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Michael Malley
6/9/2023 03:51:02 pm
Meghan,
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Amy Yorke
6/9/2023 03:52:06 pm
You are so strong! You are loved!
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Cheris Grasse
6/9/2023 08:48:13 pm
I truly don’t think I could admire a person more. Lots of love and prayers to all of you!
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Anne Louise Rickmeyer
6/9/2023 09:35:12 pm
I know you have an angel in heaven who's praying for you. Ane her mom too.
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Nancy Cole
6/10/2023 08:37:09 am
You are one tough cookie!! Prayers and hugs sweet lady.
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Becca Jose
6/10/2023 12:00:45 pm
Meghan
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