No news is usually good news in our world, which is why it's safe to assume that if the blog hasn't been updated, my health is likely stable. Unfortunately, we are at a new crossroads where it appears I will have more frequent blog updates. Don't get me wrong...I am so grateful that people still care what is going on with my health after 10 1/2 years of traveling this cancerous road. But, I would be lying to you if I said that I didn't wish I could just remain flying under the radar in "Stable-ville"...a blissful land where most people forgot that I lived with Stage IV cancer because I look healthy and don't talk about cancer much...a place where my scans are nice and boring. But, here we are. This feels like an entirely new ball game, friends. Not only is this the quickest I have ever experienced a recurrence (aka - quickest I have "failed" my treatment....how much BS is that?! As if it's somehow the one fighting cancer every day, doing their damned best to live a healthy and meaningful life that has "failed"? I'll climb off my soap box for now), but this also means that I have hit the end of the road for treatment options that are in a category called "endocrine therapy". They have served me so well over this last decade but I was on the very last one available, in combination with a "targeted" therapy, and the cancer spread worse than it ever has before. The real gut punch and game changer is that this is the first time that my breast cancer has spread from my bones to a distant organ. It has spread throughout my entire spine, my sacrum (tailbone), my left hip and my left arm - but it had always stayed in the bones. The reason this is so significant is so that (pardon my bluntness) metastatic breast cancer can't kill you if it's in your bones. It can surely be uncomfortable and require a lot of radiation (thank goodness for that because it definitely helps ease the pain!) but you don't die from it in your bones. It's when this awful disease sneaks into your vital organs that you really need to worry. I have known this since the beginning. While I am positive and optimistic, and have always remained hopeful, I also know the facts. I have been well aware of the fact that this disease eventually outsmarts the treatment and spreads. And metastatic breast cancer, in particular, likes to spread to the bone, lungs, liver, and brain. The thought of it spreading outside my bones, and into my organs, has taken up a small recess in the back of my mind for the last 10 1/2 years. To be here, to be living in the reality of that now, seems surreal. If you didn't see my post last Thursday, this is what I shared on social media when I found out the results of my scans.... I’m sad to say I didn’t receive the news I expected today. My cancer has spread to my liver. I'm in a bit of shock honestly. But, I know we will pivot and find a new path forward. We have done it plenty of times before. While I wish I had more time on this current treatment, I’m a grateful it gave me a really good 16 months. I will be starting a more aggressive chemo next week and praying that it not only works, but that the side effects don’t keep me from living the life I love. That is my greatest fear. I know I say it all the time, but I genuinely mean it…I am beyond grateful for the love and support from our friends and family. I don’t know how anyone gets through this stuff without it. Today, I will let myself feel, process, and grieve what I need to. Tomorrow is a new day to be thankful for. ...On to the next Image is original artwork from Morgan Harper Nichols I started chemo yesterday.
I am grateful it is an oral medication that I can take at home; 3 pills in the morning and 3 again in the evening. So far, aside from a little nausea, I am feeling okay. I have felt so HUGELY loved and supported, but I am not going to lie, I have also had waves of sadness that creep up on me at unexpected times. It's just the reality of where I am at right now. I am extending myself a lot of grace, leaning into those I love, and allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel. I know I will get in the swing of things with this new treatment and that I will continue on as I always do. Life is too precious to do it any other way. More to come soon. Thank you from the depths of my heart for loving and supporting us. We know we are so loved. xoxo, Meg
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December 2021
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