Mike, mom and I arrived at Karmanos on Friday morning hopeful that gamma knife would be the start of the next phase of healing and putting this brain tumor behind me. Unfortunately, we didn't get the news we expected. After a painful set up to screw the metal halo frame into my head, a cage was placed on top and then I was wheeled off to have both a brain CT and brain MRI. Once the updated scans were complete, my neurosurgeon and radiation oncologist came into my room to consult with us.
The news was not only surprising to us, but also to them. And due to how physically awful I have been feeling since, I am going to try to keep this brief and to the point.
Based on this information, my doctors did not feel comfortable moving forward with gamma knife radiation to the original (and largest) tumor. Gamma knife would cause my brain inflammation and swelling to temporarily worsen and it was no longer the safest and most appropriate course of action. We were all incredibly disappointed, but at least thankful they decided to move forward with gamma knife to the other two newer spots that were discovered. I was back home by Friday early afternoon, and truthfully, I have felt the worst I have ever felt in my life since. The decline I have had since even last Wednesday has been shocking. I am experiencing horrendous episodes of pain that shoot from my head, through my neck and back, all the way to my legs that cause my entire body to feel like it's locking up. This induces a wave of panic, nausea and occasionally vomiting and has been happening every few hours. It's frustrating and exhausting and I'm praying for relief soon. Which brings us to the new plan:
I am scared of what's to come. I know too much as a neurological PT and all the potential risks associated with brain surgery. Please cover us in prayer that everything goes as smooth as possible. That I don't suffer a hemorrhage, nerve damage, infection, and a host of other complications that could arise. This is not what we expected, and certainly not the plan we hoped for, but we remain grateful for options, an excellent team of physicians and nurses, and the most unwavering support system in the world. One day at a time....sometimes even one hour or one minute. Praying the next time you hear from me, I am feeling much, much better! xoxo, Meg
37 Comments
Elizabeth
12/3/2023 08:34:51 pm
Meghan,
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Zach
12/3/2023 09:02:05 pm
Meghan,
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Hayley
12/3/2023 09:06:50 pm
We are praying for you both ❤️❤️❤️
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Ashley
12/3/2023 09:07:49 pm
The Kotowskis love you and are praying hard for the best outcome ❤️ You are going to make it through this next period stronger than ever Meghan Xo ~Ash
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Tracy
12/3/2023 09:09:38 pm
You and your family are constantly in our thoughts and prayers! We love you and sending up some positive thoughts than the surgery goes well and you feel better really soon🤗❤️
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Blake & Colleen McCord
12/3/2023 09:10:28 pm
Dear God,
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Nate
12/3/2023 09:25:01 pm
You and your family are in my family’s prayers to bring you healing, peace and strength. God bless.
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Molly
12/3/2023 09:29:43 pm
We keep praying for you and hope things turn out the best for you. Always thinking of you!!!!
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Aunt Erin
12/3/2023 09:37:42 pm
Lovey,
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Marie H
12/3/2023 09:44:10 pm
Praying for you, Mike, all of your family and your medical team.
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Jessica V
12/3/2023 09:49:56 pm
Meg,
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Christie Simony
12/3/2023 09:51:11 pm
You’re in my prayers everyday, Meghan. Praying for you and for Mike and for all who will care for you at the hospital this week. ❤️
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Amanda Nagele
12/3/2023 10:07:02 pm
Meg - you and Mike continue to be in our prayers. You are amazing and strong and we know you can tackle this next hurdle. All the hugs, love and prayers.
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Liz Morris
12/3/2023 10:08:04 pm
Meghan & Mike,
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Deb and Bob Hart
12/3/2023 10:08:33 pm
Prayers are being sent your way for a successful surgery and that your pain will be eliminated. Hugs to you and Mike and your family. You are in our thoughts always
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Dan
12/3/2023 10:22:05 pm
I am sure every word in each and every blog you write takes tremendous strength and tenacity just to get it all down. I have no words for the admiration I have for you and Mike and how you guys have dealt with all of this for so long. Lesser people would have succumbed to it all by now. Erin, Jojo and myself wish you guys the best in the next few weeks and the near future. I hope to see you guys on the other side of all this.
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Maureen Apap
12/3/2023 10:31:58 pm
You are ALWAYS in my prayers, Meghan but extra tonight and until you get the news we are all hoping for. Wishing you and Mike extra strength, courage & faith in the days to come and sending you so much love❤️🙏
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Brian S.
12/3/2023 10:37:50 pm
Many, many prayers for you and yours, Meghan… For your comfort, strength, healing and recovery.
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Matthew Drake
12/4/2023 12:04:51 am
Sending you all the love all the hugs. All the prayers, all the strength that you need right now right now and throughout recovery ❤️🙏💪
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Ashley (graffy) Geskey
12/4/2023 01:02:43 am
Meghan, praying for a tremendously successful surgery! You are covered in so much prayer and positivity from people near and dear to people far and wide (me in Denver). Looking forward to reading an update on how much better you are feeling after this week. Xo
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Jackie OShea
12/4/2023 09:09:55 am
Sending prayers and love to you and your family.🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
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Colleen LaCroix
12/4/2023 09:56:44 am
You and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Love you, Cousin.
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Stephanie Nagy Shewmon
12/4/2023 11:28:31 am
Meghan - Sending you good thoughts, and strength and peace as you nagivate so much. Friends from long ago are at your back, thinking of you through all of this. Hugs!
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Cheryl Hamilton
12/4/2023 12:14:44 pm
Meghan - you and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers. Only positive vibes!
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Marcella & Tony Allam
12/4/2023 12:28:56 pm
Megan I know we have not had much contact with you over the past many years since you were a little girl but you have always been considered family we are praying for you and Mike that God will grant you complete recovery. God bless,
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Roni Hall
12/4/2023 04:24:26 pm
I think and pray for all of you multiple times a day. May all the love that I witness on your posts comfort and strengthen you. ❤️ ❤️❤️ You continue to inspire all of us.
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Julie Farhat
12/4/2023 05:00:07 pm
I am so sorry to hear this news, Meghan and Mike. I am praying for the best on Wednesday. You have been through so much and are such troopers. F%ck cancer!
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Katie and Krysten
12/4/2023 10:31:22 pm
I’m picturing your beautiful smile on the other side of this, you got this girl. We are thinking of you and Mike constantly.
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Michael T. Malley
12/4/2023 10:40:47 pm
Dear Meghan & Mike,
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Diane M Daley
12/5/2023 02:35:15 am
Oh Meghan, I just am in awe that you managed to keep us informed all the while feeling so ill.
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Michelle Villerot
12/5/2023 08:58:47 am
Meghan, oh gosh, first of all, I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you've been experiencing. Meg, your writing ability, even while going through these incredibly challenging days, is remarkable. Your journey continues with another step in fighting this disease and moving forward. You are brave, resilient, and a pioneer as you move into your latest procedure. God bless you Meg, for always moving forward even when it hasn't been easy. Through your journey you've shown others how to face adversity with an incredible attitude and helped the medical community in so many ways. I pray for you, your medical team, and your loving family, who should be so proud of the amazing woman they've supported and loved through some very tough days. They're pretty amazing as well. Love to you all!
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Alex R
12/5/2023 04:14:09 pm
Sending prayers to you and Mike. Praying for better news after surgery. You're one of the most resilient persons I know. May God bless you both and give you strength.
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Libby
12/5/2023 04:55:01 pm
Meghan - thinking of you and sending BADASS WARRIOR WOMAN prayers & energy your way. You've already got a ton of badassery already, but research shows there's no limit. <3
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Nicole
12/5/2023 09:51:35 pm
You are one of the strongest people I know. Prayers up for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery!❤️
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Laura Butler
12/8/2023 11:25:48 am
Fear is one of the worse demons to battle. Having cancer also, I k ow this. It is vitally important not t9 look at your circumstances and what the doctors say. You have to keep you eyes on Jesus. This is so important. Do not take your mind (thoughts) off of him and onto the situation. I cannot stress to you how important this is. It is also just as important to keep repeating healing scriptures. There are YouTube videos that someone just jeeps reading Jesus's promises of health. I Plat these next to my bed at night. While I am sleeping there are going into my spirit. Awake they are going into my mind. Let yourself be surrounded with people that believe you will be healed....not negative people. It's going on 5 years for me since my diagnoses. It is the greatest battle you will probably ever be in but remember God has a job for you to do. You can do this.
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Sarah brown
12/31/2023 07:35:57 pm
Happy New Year Meg and Mike. I am so proud of you. You r my hero. May Gods grace grant u peace and strength.
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Helen Harding
1/12/2024 01:04:25 am
Mike- I am so sorry for your incredible loss. Since I have known Meghan, I have also known that you were the love of her life. It has been something to watch your love grow & we are all so grateful that Meghan had you! She was an angel on Earth but now has her peace in heaven. Rest in peace our angel! 👼 💔
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