Hello everyone, it's Mike and I am taking this opportunity to fulfill Meghan's wish to have me "finish" her blog. There is no doubt that this is a daunting task. I really feel that her blog is sacred space in a way. To be completely honest I feel a bit strange about writing this because she had such an unbelievable ability to express herself. I will do my best live up to that. The truth is Meghan wanted people to know what was happening with her - she had an incredible bravery about that. Over the past few months I have come to realize that her blog has reached many people in a profound way. It has been remarkable to hear from so many people who followed her journey. In the past few weeks I have re-read her blog and I have been struck by her honesty and ability to put into words what she was experiencing. I also know that writing the blog was a very cathartic experience for her and she felt so much strength from all the well wishes and positivity she received from those who followed her writing. Meghan never forced writing this blog - she would wait until she felt the time was right to share. I feel that I am in that position right now. I know that preparing to write this has allowed me to process things in a very unique way. The bottom line is that I truly believe providing some sense of closure to this is the right thing to do. I hope I can do it justice.
I want to begin by explaining why I have chosen to write this now. Meghan's birthday was March 21 and she would have turned 42 years old. Meghan loved her birthday. In a lot of ways this love of her birthday symbolized a lot about her - she loved to have a good time and be with those she loved. She also had a very unique viewpoint on birthdays. As she would often say "getting older is a privilege". Birthdays take on a unique importance when you are facing such a difficult illness. I remember a powerful conversation with Meghan about 10 years ago where we discussed the fact that her hope was to live to be 40 and to return to Maui with friends and family to mark the occasion. This is one example of how Meghan beat cancer with how she lived her life. I was a first hand witness to how she beat cancer all the way through until January 8th. In re-reading Meghan's blog I realized her last entry was just before she had her initial brain surgery in early December. I want to explain what transpired after that. Meghan was admitted to the hospital (planned) on a Monday morning with the surgery with Dr. C. scheduled for Wednesday. Her stay in the hospital was difficult in the lead up to the surgery. On Tuesday morning Meghan had a major seizure while awaiting transport to have a angiogram procedure. This procedure was to help reduce blood flow to the brain tumor and reduce the risk of a major bleed during the removal of the tumor the next day. Meghan's seizure lasted several minutes and prompted a major response from the doctors and nurses on the floor at Karmanos. It was very clear that this was unexpected and alarming to everyone. After several minutes the seizure activity subsided and Meghan was able to have the angiogram procedure later that day. The next day was the major surgery to remove the tumor from the right temporal area. Jan and I were at the hospital all day and did our best to pass the hours that went by. Eventually we got word that the surgery was over and that Meghan was in the recovery room. I was able to go see her before she was moved to the ICU at Karmanos for a two night stay while she recovered. Dr. C. -the neurosurgeon was pleased overall with how the surgery went and we were able to go home Friday afternoon - just 2 days after the major surgery. For the next week Meghan rested and adhered to a strict regimen of medicines to help her recover from such a major procedure. We were scheduled to follow up with Dr. C. with a post operation appointment the following Monday - so we had about 10 days at home in front of us. It's honestly difficult for me to remember a lot of that time. I do remember having this very nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Meghan just didn't seem herself. I tried to convince myself she was just very tired (understandably) and that her brain and body were healing. I couldn't shake the feeling that she just seemed "flat". That Thursday we had an appointment with Dr. F. - Meghans longtime oncologist at Weisberg. We had a good talk with him and Dr. M. - Meghans radiation oncologist. They each agreed that there was no reason to subject Meghan to treatment with chemo that day while she recovered. There are 2 things I will always remember about that day. The first is that Meghan was too weak and sick to sit up and speak with Dr. F. Meghan had a will and strength unlike anything I have ever witnessed. I knew when she wasn't able to sit up that it was a very bad sign. The other thing I will always remember is that Meghan was absolutely determined to hand out the Christmas gifts she had for her Doctors and nurses. I pushed her around Weisberg in a wheelchair that day and she put on a great show - chatting with all of the people who had taken such amazing care of her for almost 12 years. It was probably the most beautiful and heartbreaking thing I have ever seen - all at the same time. She was filled with joy to hug the people there and show her gratitude to them. Her nurses are truly my heroes. They all took time away from their busy day to come and speak with us and give Meghan a hug. I'll never forget the way the nurses looked at me that day. I could see in their eyes that they knew what was happening and they were upset by it. They did a great job of being positive and hopeful but their eyes told the story. As I wheeled Meghan out to the car that day it all washed over me. As the week between the surgery and the follow up appointment went on Meghan's condition slowly worsened. The swelling in the area of the surgery slowly grew and then over the weekend increased dramatically. I ended up taking Meghan to her appointment that Monday with Dr. C several hours early. Sunday night was very difficult and she was clearly very sick. Luckily Dr. C was in early and was able to send us directly to the ER to be admitted back into the hospital. I'll try to give a brief overview of what happened over the next few weeks. 1) Meghan was cared for by incredible and compassionate people - everyone did all they could do for her. 2) There was a thought that Meghan may have an infection from the surgery - however test after test showed no detectable infection. 3) The major issue that continued to cause problems was the swelling at the site of her surgery. It was very noticeable that she would have increases and decreases in swelling and often her level of cognition seemed tied to how much swelling was present. 4) Meghan endured 3 additional procedures to attempt to address the swelling. These included putting a drain in her spine and eventually a shunt in her head to attempt to drain fluid into her abdomen. Each of these procedures brought hope. Meghan's Doctors seemed genuinely surprised that they were not able to control the swelling. Eventually Dr. C. and Dr. F. were able to speak about the big picture of Meghan health and the current situation. Dr. C. came to the conclusion that the cancer in Meghan's brain had infiltrated her cerebrospinal fluid which is in the brain and spinal cord. The cancer had caused her CSF to become too thick to pass through the shunt efficiently. 5) I had a long conversation with Dr. F - Meghan's oncologist. This is someone that Meghan and I trusted completely and simply put he is an outstanding physician. He shared with me that the tumor taken from Meghan's brain revealed that her cancer had changed course. It was now considered "triple negative". It no longer needed hormones to grow. It was clear Meghan's cancer was no longer treatable. That day Jan and I met with the hospice team at the hospital and made arrangements for Meghan to be moved to the hospice floor the next day. That was by far the toughest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I should mention that this entire time period feels like a blur to me. Writing this is actually helping me to really process and understand what happened. It may seem crazy but I wanted to share a funny story about Meghans time in the ICU. Meghan had an incredible set of nurses that took care of her during her stay there - two in particular stood out for going above and beyond to care for her. Melanie and Delanie. They had complete opposite personalities but they were both incredible to Meghan. We had a funny ritual in which Melanie and Delanie would "kick me out" of the hospital. They would tell Meghan that I was a "bright shiny object" that made it tough for her to rest because she wanted to see what I was up to. Several nights in a row they would stage "ejecting" me from the room. Meghan would protest but eventually concede that it probably was for the best. They were taking care of me as much as Meghan. They are phenomenal people. They both attended her funeral even though they only knew her for a week. I was really struck by that. Not only does that show what wonderful and compassionate people they are - it is also an incredible testament to how Meghan impacted people. I continue to be overwhelmed by all the people who have reached out and shared how Meghan made a mark on their life. I honestly feel so lucky to have been able to spend my life with such a wonderful person. I want to conclude this by explaining the title to this post. Meghan had a special group of friends and supporters who shared similar cancer diagnoses. Among this group Meredith and Andy definitely held a special place. I remember coming home from coaching a baseball game a few years ago and hearing a great deal of laughter from our back patio. It was Meghan, Meredith and Andy sitting at the fire and having a great time while supporting each other in a way that only they could. I headed back and joined them for a little bit. As Andy was leaving he turned to Meghan and said "hey, let's be at this thing". Meghan laughed and rolled her eyes at him a bit. Andy was a very funny guy -he created a little word play with the spelling of Meghan's blog. The truth is Andy and Meghan had a type of illness that wasn't curable. Could they "beat" cancer? Some would say no because it eventually took both their lives much too early. I would say Meghan beat cancer continuously for almost 12 years. She beat it by living her life to the fullest. As I said in her eulogy - she taught us all to take the trip, call our loved ones, and go to the party. Let's be at this thing called life friends. Much Love Mike
26 Comments
Jeanne Kerby
3/21/2024 04:15:39 am
My heart goes out to you. The love, strength and commitment you and Meghan shared is beyond special. A piece of Meghan lives on in all who knew and loved her. Much love to you, Mike.
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Constance Chapman
3/21/2024 04:54:13 am
Mike, We’ve never met, however, I worked with Meghan at RIM and have followed her on FB. I’ve always prayed just as hard for you as I did for Meghan. You are and incredible man and were her Angel. May God keep you always and bless you tremendously!
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Christina Tischler
3/21/2024 05:13:24 am
Dear Mike,
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Erica Ahmed
3/21/2024 06:21:35 am
Thanks for sharing all of this Mike. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but I really appreciated it. God bless nurses! I hope you’re doing as well as you can and have kept up walking the dogs! Love always!
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Anne
3/21/2024 06:54:44 am
I’ve never met Megan but I’ve been following her journey since I did my second breast cancer 3-day walk in 2011. I am so sorry to hear about her passing. Strength and consideration to you and your family.
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Ryan Walker
3/21/2024 07:04:31 am
Thank you, Mike. What a perfect tribute to Meghan, her journey, and your love for each other. Thank you for once again sharing such a deep and personal part of yourself. I love and agree with the way you described how Meg beat cancer by showing up and living her life with intention and purpose. What an inspiration. I deeply believe that the loved ones we’ve lost live on not just in our memories, but in the way we tell their stories and the way we carry ourselves and demonstrate the values and lessons we learned from them. This final blog chapter gives everyone who loved Meghan a reminder of what she stood for.
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Danielle & Delana Jackson
3/21/2024 07:20:50 am
Mike this is Beautiful and you did a Fantastic job with this post, Meghan taught you well 🙂
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3/21/2024 07:38:14 am
Mike,
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Tracy
3/21/2024 07:50:33 am
Mike, what a wonderful tribute to Meghan! Sue and I send you and all of your family love on Meghan’s birthday and always! Meghan’s birthday comes about a week before mine. We had a work birthday list. So, she was the one to bring me a birthday treat. She knew how much I loved lemon flavored treats and in true Meghan fashion, always brought the perfect, most delicious birthday treat ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Jack Benson
3/21/2024 07:52:50 am
❤️❤️❤️
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Courtney Srugis
3/21/2024 08:21:08 am
Dear Mike,
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Rebecca Fenlon
3/21/2024 08:24:44 am
Wonderful job Mike, thank you so much for this, Meghan was such an inspiration for my husband John who was a client at TRP after suffering a Traumatic brain injury they had such a sweet friendship and called each other their hero <3 I myself had a brain aneurysm rupture and had major brain surgery and very fortunate to be alive, we had many conversations about how lucky we all were to be alive, she just understood and had true compassion and understanding her light will always shine in our hearts and we will be forever grateful for Meghan, today we will light a candle in honor of Meghan's birthday. Happy Birthday sweet angel in heaven.
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Diane Daley Ullrich
3/21/2024 08:26:04 am
You have done a wonderful, touching job of doing what Meghan asked for "be at this thing". She was an amazing person - so kind and loving in her journey. She touched so many people. Sending you love and hugs Mike on your journey forward.
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Roni
3/21/2024 09:56:58 am
What a blessing that the two of you found each other so many years ago. You shared a love that few will ever know. Meghan will always be a part of your life and I know it will take quite some time to get back to a new ‘norm’. Bless you and all of Meghan’s friends and family. ❤️
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Michael T Malley
3/21/2024 10:36:20 am
Meghan’s blog title and Andy’s spin off is a lesson for us all. Be in the moment because this gift of life deserves our best.
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Terri Kingston
3/21/2024 10:40:14 am
Thank you Mike for sharing, Meghan was such a gift to anyone who met her.. I am so honored to have had the years of friendship with her..
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Angela Mardula
3/21/2024 12:18:02 pm
What a perfect post for Meghan's birthday. I can just imagine her pride in you writing this. No doubt it was tough yet therapeutic. Sending love.
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3/21/2024 12:19:11 pm
Mike, this birthday and life tribute to Meghan was so heartbreaking and hearthealing at the same time. I met Meghan at the beginning of my Mets journey and from then she became my she-ro, PT for some time and just perspective changer on this diagnosis. I always appreciated her transparency, advice to give myself and grace others and tips about traveling to Europe and Hawaii. May God surround you and her family and friends always, with his love, joy, peace that surpasses understanding.
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Brooke M.
3/21/2024 12:25:51 pm
Mike, thank you for writing this entry. Thank you for sharing that incredibly hard few weeks at the end of Meghan’s life. I read this with my hand on my chest, feelings so many emotions. I met Meghan once (once!) at the very beginning of my diagnosis. I was so scared. Meeting Meghan was so comforting to me. She told me about her experience with her mastectomy and implants. The fact that this woman had been living well for years with a metastatic diagnosis gave me so much hope for the treatment of my state 3 diagnosis. I followed Meghan on fb and insta, and I loved seeing her live her life with you. I loved each year when her friend would send her that bouquet of roses, slowly gaining more and more pink roses. Meghan was incredible. And you are right, she beat cancer every day. And in the end, cancer lost. Sending you so much love ♥️
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Mary Jane Hsu
3/21/2024 12:40:32 pm
Oh Mike, I can’t imagine how difficult this was to write. But you nailed it! What a labor of love! It is beautifully written and very much appreciated ❣️
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Faith Dillon
3/21/2024 02:49:36 pm
I remember Andy sent me a picture of him, Meghan & Meredith by a fire before I returned to Michigan to see him in person...I guess it was you who took that picture! thank you for sharing all of what transpired and for including Andy in it! I still need to do the same for the end of his life, but haven't felt up to it. thinking of you and remembering Meghan.
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Helen Harding
3/21/2024 03:17:38 pm
Mike,
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Julie Anne Hughey
3/21/2024 11:13:07 pm
Thank you for this beautiful post, Mike. You and Meghan have been in my prayers and thoughts and will continue to be. Her life and legacy is profound and will continue to impact so many. Sending you wishes of love and peace. And again, thank you for sharing these thoughts with us all.
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Amy Yorke
3/22/2024 08:25:48 pm
Thanks for sharing this. As one of Meghan’s therapy friends I appreciate knowing the story. I was blessed to talk with her before that first procedure. She is missed and her legacy continues through the work that I do. Prayers.
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Stacy Flowers
3/29/2024 03:54:47 pm
Mike you did just a beautiful job writing this.... I'm standing here at work blinking tears. I haven't seen Meghan since she was a PT student with us at Michigan Orthopedic Rehab way back in--whenever it was that she was a 3rd year student.--but I've followed her blog all along. She'd be--scratch that, she IS so proud of what you've written here.
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Suzanne Trojanowski
4/4/2024 08:28:55 pm
Ever since hearing your eulogy, I have have told many people “take the trip”. Thank you for sharing your entry. I am honored to have known and collaborated with Meghan.
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