Thank you for all the love and encouragement this week as I headed into radiation. The week has been so busy since beginning radiation and therapy for my chest and arms. Everything is going pretty well - no side effects to report yet. I will try to smuggle my camera into radiation sometime soon so I can give you a sneak peek. I can't thank you enough for the cards, texts, emails and messages of support as I headed into this next round of treatment. I would also like to thank everyone for the extra prayers and concern for my friend, Janet that I mentioned in last weeks post. It is with a heavy heart that I have to share that Janet lost her brave battle with colon cancer last Thursday. I cannot possibly explain how hard this is- even though we were only friends for a short time, we shared a special bond that only few people can understand. I am so heartbroken for her family and devastated that this awful disease has robbed the world of such a beautiful person. This has been one of the first times I have actually felt angry - angry that cancer has taken the lives of so many people I care about - angry that Janet never had the chance to marry her fiance' and grow old together - and angry that despite feeling like I have always tried to do the right things in life, this disease might just take it all away from me. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. I have said it countless times throughout my life. I have always held on to the belief that God has a plan for us and throughout these past 8 1/2 months, I have desperately tried to stay focused on that. But, I would by lying if I denied that it is a huge struggle to not question that plan sometimes. To not ask "why is this happening?"...I don't ever ask that about myself and what is happening to me but I do question it for the other people in my life. Like, "why did Janet have to be taken from us so quickly", or "why does my husband have to watch his wife go through this after losing his mom to cancer". My dear friend Meredith often helps me work through these emotions and she reminds me that God is good all of the time - that when bad things happen to good people, it doesn't mean God is punishing them, and it doesn't mean He loves them any less. Every day I remind myself that God is with me - that He is looking out for me and those I love - that he won't abandon me or my family when times get really hard. I feel such comfort in knowing that but during tough times like this, after losing a friend, it is easy to feel discouraged and try to question His plan. Tonight I will head to the funeral home to say goodbye to Janet and pay my respects to her family. Selfishly, I am a little worried about how I will handle it. This is the fourth person I have lost due to cancer since my own diagnosis, and this one just hits the closest to home. I think of her grieving mom and I think of my mom, I will see her heartbroken fiance' and I will think of Mike, I will watch her best friends struggle with this loss and I will think of my best friends. I am so sad that cancer took Janet from us, but I am relieved that the great suffering she endured is now over. My mom always reminds me that for the person that has died, they have received the ultimate reward - a place in Heaven - and it is those of us that are left behind that struggle and grieve. Janet is in a better place and I am thankful for that. I will honor her memory by continuing to live each day to the fullest and remind myself that every day is truly a blessing. Please continue to keep her family in your thoughts and prayers during this extremely difficult time. I have spent a lot of time with many different friends this week and I just hope you all know how much you mean to me and how grateful I am to have you in my life. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and I cannot thank you enough for always checking on me, taking the time to call or visit, and for the fun times we have when we are together. I am so thankful for each of you! xoxo, Meghan Grateful that Janet will be another special guardian angel looking out for us...
13 Comments
Sheri
12/11/2011 08:22:14 am
Meghan...Sorry to hear about your friend. I think of you often and keep you, Mike, Jeff, my dad and your mom in my prayers. You have a lot of love and support, which I know keeps you going even in your darkest hour. Keep your chin up.
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Future_Mom-in-law-Diane
12/11/2011 09:24:28 am
Oh Meghan - it's heartbreaking to hear of your loss. You look so vibrant and wonderful it's hard to believe that you battle daily with the same ugly thing. We will all be with you as you work this monster out of your body and will be here to rejoice when you get a clean bill and go forward in your wonderful life.
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Kiki
12/11/2011 11:21:35 am
Meggie-Poo...you now have another guardian angel looking down on you and protecting you...love you love you love you!
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Carolyn & Mark
12/11/2011 12:05:44 pm
Meghan,
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Aunt Mary
12/11/2011 11:17:43 pm
Precious Meghan:
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Niche
12/12/2011 12:55:46 am
Meghan, you are so brave!! You have the courage to bring up the things that we all ponder about when things are scary, stressful and tiresome in our lives. It is a very good reminder for me that even though I am mad/angry/sad about things in my life (including you going thru this) that God will never abandon us and will always hold our hand through it all. I am so sad about Janet and I will continue to pray for her family and loved ones- I 100% believe that she will send you strength from Heaven and watch over everyone special to her, that is a lovely thought!
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Marty and Keely
12/12/2011 04:43:18 am
Meghan,,,I am so so very sorry to hear about your friend Janet. We will continue to pray for her family and my positive energy and love and prayers will continue to come your way. Your words, your thoughts, your honesty are beautiful. Always thinking you, Mike and your family.
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Meagan
12/13/2011 02:29:06 am
It is so difficult to understand. Janet was such a kind soul. She always had such a big, warm and genuine smile on her face. She also had very beautiful and gentle eyes. It is very difficult to understand and I am so sad for her close family and friends who lost her. She was lucky to have had your friendship over these last few months Meg...
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Tracy
12/13/2011 09:10:46 am
I'm so sorry to hear about Janet! My heart is heavy for you, her family, & all who loved her! I can't imagine your sadness but try to keep your positive energy going strong! Extra hugs all around, Tracy
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Elizabeth
12/14/2011 03:09:42 am
Meghan, I am really sorry about your friend Janet. My thought and prayers are with you and her family. I just want you to know that there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you and your struggle this year. You are the bravest person I know. Ever since I met you I have looked up to you, from your amazing smarts in PT school to your beyond funny since of humor. I love you meg!
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Mary Neighbors Boyle
12/14/2011 04:08:49 am
Thanks so much for you kind words about Janet...over and over at the funeral everyone talked about how easily she made friends and how special she made each one feel. It doesn't matter how long you knew her, she was a friend who cared for you as well. xoxo
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MaryJaneHsu
12/14/2011 08:30:00 am
Hey Meghan,
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Diane Daley
12/18/2011 03:58:07 pm
So terribly sorry about Janet. Your response is so beautiful and honest as well as brave.
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