Exactly one year ago today, my life was forever changed. It's incredible to think of how a few small words can turn your life upside down and transform your entire world in an instant. Although a year ago I knew I had a battle ahead of me, I never could have dreamed it would become such a daunting one, with such a dire diagnosis. In so many ways, it still feels surreal. I spent some quiet time alone last night, reflecting on everything that has happened throughout this past year. I re-read all 108 comments written on my very first post on this blog. The love and outpouring of support was overwhelming then - and it still is today. The first paragraph I wrote on that first blog entry says it best... "I guess I should start off by saying that I am so incredibly blessed to have so many people in my life that love me so much! I have a truly AMAZING husband that is the absolute love of my life (please excuse the cheesy, lovey-dovey stuff- I can't help myself sometimes), a mother and step-father that are the best, and a brother that has put up with me for 29 years and loves me anyways. (Yep, turned the big 2-9 on Monday and then found out about the big "C word" 2 days later...happy birthday, huh?!) In addition to these wonderful people, I have the most loving aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and grandmother ever!...and my friends...let me tell you, I have the most incredible and supportive friends ever!" Those words hold even more truth today. I am beyond blessed to have the most incredible support network of family, friends, and even complete strangers. I truly have no idea how anyone gets through times like this without that. I have made it through these last 365 days because of your support, your love, and your prayers. For 365 days, I have known that I am living with cancer. For 365 days, I have looked at the world differently. For 365 days, I have lived with first hand knowledge that life is a precious gift. And for 365 days, I have endured more physically, mentally and emotionally than I ever thought I would in this lifetime... 3 biopsies 1 ultrasound 3 bone scans 5 MRI's 1 MUGA heart scan 3 CT scans 1 port surgically implanted in my chest 1 shaved head Many lost eyelashes and eyebrows 15 rounds & more than 60 hours of chemotherapy 1 terrifying loss of consciousness 28 radiation treatments Hundreds of trips to Karmanos 1 car ride spent vomiting 1 night in the hospital 2 mastectomies 3 annoying surgical drains 2 tissue expanders Seemingly endless amount of days awaiting test results Thousands of tears 1 bout of the flu Too many days of nausea Many, many needle pokes and blood draws 210 days of Tamoxifen 6 painful injections of Zoladex with a 14 gauge needle 5 injections of Xgeva to strengthen my bones 2 shut down ovaries 22 pills every single day Ridiculous amount of hot flashes Countless appointments with my medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, PM & R doc, occupational therapist, nurses, genetic counselors, and support groups I have prayed, meditated, juiced and blended my fruits & veggies, practiced yoga, tried reiki, been massaged, began a gratitude journal, learned deep breathing techniques, became a member of 2 support groups and started a third. I have attended fundraisers, spoke to high schoolers, and travelled to conferences. I have made new friends, reached out, and shared my story to try to help others. I have learned how to let go of stress, accept help from others, and learned how to say "no". I have learned how to take even better care of myself, how to truly relax, and how to live in the moment. I have learned to have more patience, to not sweat the small stuff, and to let go of the things which I cannot control. I have slept a lot, celebrated a lot, and even travelled a lot. I have laughed and cried, laughed and cried...and cried some more. I've revised my hopes and dreams - but haven't stopped hoping and dreaming. I've prayed, promised, bargained...and maybe even begged. I've figured out what my true priorities are in life. I smile and laugh every day. I tell my husband, "I love you" every day. I talk to my mom at least 5 times every day. I talk to at least one friend every day. I cuddle my pup every day. I try to eat well and care for my body every day. I thank God every day. I don't take anything for granted. I appreciate the small things in life. I count my blessings. I've been reminded of how many people love and care about me. Reminded of what an incredible caregiver and best friend my husband is. Reminded of how lucky I am to have an amazing mom. Reminded that I am not the one in charge. Reminded of my faith in God. I've been reminded that each and every day is a blessing...all 365 of them - whether they were filled with injections, infusions, and tears - or smiles, laughter and joy....they were 365 huge blessings and I am grateful for every single one of them. Thank you to every one of you reading this for your love and support over these past twelve months. There are no words to adequately thank you all but please know that your comments, notes, calls, texts, meals, and visits have made a huge impact in my life and have helped lift my spirits each and every day. I look forward to another 365 days of blessings...and many, many more years beyond that! xoxo, Meghan ps. Happy, happy birthday to my wonderful step-dad, Douggie. ;) Thank you so much for all you have done for us this year. We are so blessed to have you in our lives!
It seems appropriate that I leave you with some images from my garden on this special day. Last year at this time, I included an image of a tiny tulip popping up in my flower bed. Spring has sprung even earlier this year and my flowers are looking great already. It's only fitting that my birthday and this milestone anniversary occur during the first week of spring...a time of re-birth, growth and renewal.
30 Comments
Julie Doman
3/23/2012 06:54:11 am
Such a touching post. Not an easy year, but you have highlighted all of the good that came from it. You are so tough and we have all learned so much from you. I'm so glad this year is behind you now and that you got through it so beautifully. Love you and I'm thankful for our friendship everyday.
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Marjorie Kask
3/23/2012 09:13:05 am
Happy Belated Birthday and congrats on being such an amazing person! I read your blog every week ever since Ben, Beth's husband, showed me the awesome article that you were featured in back in Oct. You inspire me. Thank you!
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Kiki
3/23/2012 09:28:23 am
Ok, now I am the one crying! Beautiful post Meg, so proud of you, love you! ox
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Mary Boyle
3/23/2012 09:33:18 am
Ahhh, you sure know how to make a girl cry at her desk on a Friday afternoon! You are such a TROOPER and its been a blessing to all of us that you have written so honestly about everything you've been through. I'm wishing you every healthy, happy dream that you could ever think of as you begin another year of triumph.
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Sally
3/23/2012 02:49:59 pm
I must have read this post 10 times already...it is so inspiring, so insightful, so uplifting and so very heartbreaking. You have endured so much for your young years yet you display the wisdom of someone so wise way beyond her years. I so admire you and see so much of your wonderful Mom in you. I wish you a wonderful birthday with many, many more to come! xoxo
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Jen Young
3/23/2012 04:44:21 pm
Hi Meghan,
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Katie Ceci
3/24/2012 03:50:04 am
I am so glad this year is behind you and thankful of your reminders of how grateful we should be for each day. You are truly an inspiration.
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Patty L
3/24/2012 09:19:27 am
Happy Belated Birthday baby-wow-what a year? You have shown such phenomenal courage, strength, hope and grace during this extremely challenging year. I was always amazed at your endurance through it all and how you never stopped putting forth 110% of yourself no matter what. We are all blessed to have you in our lives. We pray for you & Mike every day and won't stop now. You kicked some serious butt this year girl! Congrats! Much love, Patty & family xoxoxo
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Deb & Bob Hart
3/24/2012 03:03:11 pm
Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary (and yes happy anniversary). Have a great year ahead and many more birthdays and anniversaries. You are an amazing person. And your blog is inspirational.
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Becca J
3/25/2012 07:14:08 am
Wow, your post was so powerful I teared up too! How can a year fly by yet feel like a lifetime all at the same time? Lots of hugs & love!
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Diane P.
3/25/2012 08:02:41 am
Wow Meg... What a year! Happy happy birthday and congratulations for being able to look back on this year with gratitude while looking forward with continued hopes and dreams.
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Carolyn & Mark
3/25/2012 11:05:54 am
"Happy Birthday Meghan" You continue to amaze me with your beautiful posts, love of life, and love for your family,friends and God. Your pictures from your Mexico vacation are so beautiful! What a special birthday gift from your Mom & Doug! I am sure your relaxing memories of your vacation will stay in your heart and mind forever!! Enjoy your birthday celebrations with your family and friends ! We are so blessed to have you in our lives! Our prayers always are with you!!
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Mary Jane Hsu
3/25/2012 12:21:42 pm
Thank you for another beautiful post Meghan!. Good reminders for all of us.
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Elizabeth
3/25/2012 12:58:49 pm
Meg,
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Meredith
3/25/2012 05:56:00 pm
This post makes me smile, Meghan :-)
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Kathy Richgels(Melissa's Mom)
3/26/2012 06:17:40 am
Dear Meghan,
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Stephanie
3/26/2012 06:38:37 am
Hi Meghan,
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Amanda
3/26/2012 08:12:27 am
This post is beautiful Meghan. You are a true inspiration!
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Julie Payne
3/26/2012 02:09:46 pm
Meg, Wow! You have learned more in this year than most people ever learn and you have done it all while fighting the biggest fight one could be faced with. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to know you and be considered one of your friends. Looking over your list, I started to think of MANY things I need to learn /work on. Thank you for reminding me not to take a second for granted. You are such a blessing to more people and in more ways than you can imagine. I hope you felt all the love we have for you on your big 3-0! Can't wait to celebrate with you in Vegas! Love you oodles! Mama J
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CassTacey
3/28/2012 03:06:37 am
I may not know you Meg but the outpouring of love and empathy from your blog followers reassures my hunch that you are a talented wonderful woman. I am Joe Doman's aunt. I have followed your story vicariously through Nancy, Joe and Julie.
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Mama Gina V.
3/28/2012 01:25:10 pm
Such a very touching look at the past year, but like you said- be happy and enjoy your life! You are loved and you are blessed.
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Meagan
3/29/2012 02:18:36 am
So great Meg! If all of us who read your blog made a list of all the things we have learned and gained from you over the past year, our list would dwarf yours. The rippling effect of this blog is exponential. Thank you for sharing your journey in such a beautiful way.
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Ryan
3/29/2012 08:27:47 am
Congrats Meghan, you DID IT! Now just 50 more years to go( ;-) )....and we will all be there with you. I am celebrating over here with you and for you. So happy for you guys! Live it up...lord knows you have earned it.
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Sarah Wilson
3/30/2012 05:30:21 am
I have been following along your journey quietly for months ready your blogs. So many words and emotions, supportive thoughts and prayers have come to mind to say. Today, simply, I want to say "Thank you". Sarah
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Aunt Carol
4/2/2012 03:51:10 pm
Happy Spring Meghan!
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Tommye Hinton
4/5/2012 06:28:38 am
Megan,
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Erin Benson
4/13/2012 09:05:17 am
Sweet Girl,
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Erica
4/16/2012 12:55:27 pm
Megs-I'm a little late reading this but I still wanted you to know how touched I am by your post. I feel like a broken record but you are such an inspiration and not just for someone that has cancer and is making the most of it but for someone who really made lemonade with their lemons! The impact you have had on our community is unbelievable. You are going places Kid! If Karmanos knows anything they will start to pay you a whole lot of money to be their spokesperson starting right away! I am truly inspired by you and your commitment to create change. Just reading this makes me want to go out and kick some butt in your honor! Congrats again! I love you and admire you more then you know!
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Sara
4/17/2012 04:13:58 am
Meg, I teared up reading this post (albeit a little late!) and then realized that I was tearing up over tears of joy! You have overcome MORE this year than most people will ever have to endure. And you've done it with the utmost grace, acceptance, graciousness, and gumption than anyone I know. I can't believe it some times when I think about all you've gone through, and how you're still working so hard to take control over your life, live it to the fullest, and educate us ALL on your journey. You are making such a difference in all of our lives, and I'm so thankful to not only know you but you are SURVIVING this disease every single day like a CHAMPION! I'm blessed to know you, and follow your journey...and to always support you wherever the roads take you from her (onward and upward!). Happy one year+ friend! Love you!
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6/24/2012 07:46:38 am
Nice blog, just wanted to say I found you through Google
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