Well, it was bound to happen, and today was the day. I hit my first real low point. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks today, and I am not going to lie...it was tough - one of the toughest days of my life. I think it was a combination of a very long day(first appointment at 7:30 am and last appointment ended at 5pm with not much down time in between), lack of sleep, and the reality of it all truly setting in. I had a bone scan this morning to further investigate my spine to see if the cancer has spread there. It was terrifying as I lay on the hard table and glanced over on the screen to see an area of my spine light up - indicating increased radioactivity - which means that something abnormal is going on there. But I tried not to worry too much and waited until Dr. F (the oncologist) explained the findings later in the afternoon. We then spent a few hours at Karmanos this afternoon meeting with Dr. F for the first time. It was great to meet him, discuss all of the test results, get all of our questions answered, and establish a treatment plan. But let me be honest and say, it was incredibly overwhelming, scary, and surreal. There are still some random moments throughout the day where I forget I have cancer for a minute - but today was a huge slap in the face and reality set in. We met with Dr. F for a few hours so I will try to summarize the latest and greatest news of this roller coaster ride that our lives have become....
Thankfully, we continue to have the most amazing support system ever! Coming home to a porch full of groceries from a co-worker, food in my fridge from Julie, and the most incredible and thoughtful care package from Brinley, all helped me get out of my funk and smile again. Mike & I have become completely overwhelmed (in a good way!) by all of the wonderful cards, gifts, flowers and food that people have sent our way. I have realized that it is no longer possible for me to include every personal thank you on the blog because each post would go on forever. :) Please know that we sincerely appreciate every single nice word and gesture that is sent our way and it means more to us than you will ever know! I honestly don't know how I could get through this without all of your support. You all think that I am so strong - but really that strength comes from all of you lifting us up through your encouraging words, thoughts, and prayers. For all of these things, I am eternally grateful. xoxo, Meghan ps. Thank you for all of the photography love! Over the last two years, it has become a true passion of mine and I can't get enough of it :) A few days before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was accepted for an internship with an amazing professional photographer, Jennifer Grant. I was so excited to begin this journey and get the chance to soak up all the knowledge I could from Jennifer. Unfortunately, I have had to withdraw from this opportunity so that I can devote all of my time and attention to beating this cancer! For those of you that asked to see more of my photography, please check it out at Meg Malley Photography. This journal & I have become attached at the hip. It contains all of my questions & concerns, appointments, and all that other good stuff that I would never be able to remember otherwise. It's like my own version of American Express..."can't leave home without it". The most thoughtful, handmade bracelet and pocket angel charms with my name engraved on them. Thank you so much to my wonderful friend Katie and her mom, Barb. I will treasure these always.
49 Comments
Hayley and J.D.
4/1/2011 03:31:06 pm
Glad to hear you're fighting through the tough times ... We'll be with you in spirit as you go through the additional tests on your spine over the next week. Keep us posted! We'll keep our fingers crossed for good news!
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Kara and Ben
4/1/2011 03:32:35 pm
I've been checking your blg obsessively today for the news!! As I read your post out loud to Ben we were both pretty overwhelmed for you. Its ok to cry, it's ok to be overwhelmed, but we know you can beat this. Glad you enjoyed the flowers! Always thinking of you.
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Aunt Carol
4/1/2011 03:36:10 pm
Meghan, you may not have all the answers you would like from the doctors but one thing is very clear. You have touched so many of us, there is so much love out here for you! Even in these very dark, scary moments we are all a part of you.
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Sally
4/1/2011 03:49:46 pm
Hey Sweet Pea, I just got off the phone with "Sven" and I am so impressed with your strength and maturity. It was exhausting just to hear about your whirlwind day. It is so very much to take in but you are my hero with your incredible bravery and strength. I am in awe. Please know that my heart is with you and I hope to be able to help you by being there for your Mom anytime she needs me. You WILL beat this thing. I have absolutely no doubt.
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aunt Ree Ree
4/1/2011 04:02:06 pm
sweet baby girl..sometimes no words seem to fit the way I want them to...hard to find the right words and/or.. I am scared to say the wrong thing....one day....this day you will look back on.... when you are old and crabby like me..and remember ..life IS a box of chocolates and you never know what we are gonna get..but..spit out ones you don't like and savor what you want..cuz you are women !!! i hear you roar !! (might be a tad quiet right now) but i still can hear your roar..and that my dear, is why you were put on this earth..i do believe to be a fact .xoxxoxoxooxoxoxxooxoxoxxoxooxxoxxoxoxoxo Love you bunches and bunches Aunt Lori
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aunt mary
4/1/2011 04:16:01 pm
Hmmm, my dearest Meghan.
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angela f
4/1/2011 04:30:57 pm
These are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by JoDee Mecina
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Aunt Bev
4/1/2011 04:36:21 pm
My dear, dear Meghan and Mike,
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Diane Daley
4/1/2011 05:44:41 pm
You have been on my mind all day. I am truly amazed that you informed us on your blog after all that you have been through today. Thank you for letting us know, what a thoughtful dear you are.
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aunt ree
4/1/2011 06:40:33 pm
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Mom
4/1/2011 06:57:50 pm
Dearest Meghan and Mike,
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aunt ree
4/1/2011 07:11:49 pm
Michael Malley..
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Brinley
4/1/2011 10:40:40 pm
Good Morning My Sheppard Pie....today is a New Day!!! Yesterday is gone and although it was one of the hardest days yet, is proof that you can, and WILL, face & conquer ANYTHING!! Take comfort in knowing that it's perfectly fine to get a good cry in, because those tears fall on the shoulders of all of us surrounding you! You'll never, for a moment, be alone in this fight! I love ya to pieces!
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Gina Vanderhoff
4/2/2011 01:03:40 am
My heart is heavy. The news is hard, but now you know how to fight it! You are young and strong, and you have a team of doctor's with a plan to conquer!
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Dave Hass
4/2/2011 01:06:49 am
Yuck. Cancer stinks. Yesterday was a bad day, but u and Mike got through it! U have a great attitude, and u will get through all the bad days to come, and beat this thing. Your pics tell an awesome story, I love um.
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Kiki
4/2/2011 01:29:16 am
Meggie-Poo...well, geez, no wonder you were overwhelmed yesterday, that is ALOT of information and scariness presented to you at one time. And like everyone else has said, its ok to cry, I am glad that you got it all out, a bit cleansing for the soul I think. You are bound to hit a hard day, but you have ALOT of people behind you to give words of encouragement, hugs, help and love. You are awesome girl, I love you! Bert and Ernie FOREVER! xoxo -Kiki
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Julie
4/2/2011 01:30:37 am
Just remember on these hard days that is it ok to cry and we are all here to lean on. You have such a loving husband and all of us here who will help you get through these really really sucky times. Just keep taking it day by day.
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Elizabeth
4/2/2011 01:55:07 am
Hey Meg,
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Becca J
4/2/2011 02:23:19 am
It is always okay to cry.
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Cynthia (Dermatology-Troy)
4/2/2011 02:24:35 am
Good morning Megan,
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Pat Daley Davis
4/2/2011 03:05:02 am
Meghan,
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Chelsea
4/2/2011 03:37:57 am
I have to admit that I was also getting very choked up and emotional reading your post and thinking of you, Mike, and your Mom dealing with everything you did yesterday. Yes, there will be days that seem difficult and overwhelming, but there are also going to be days that bring amazing and wonderful good news too.
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Doug
4/2/2011 03:39:40 am
We hope that your day today is more peaceful and restful. You are both going through such a hard time, but you are also both so strong that you WILL get through this. It is such a blessing to us to see all your friends and family give you such wonderful support. That can only come because you have also provided that for all of us.
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Niche
4/2/2011 03:57:05 am
Oh Meg, what an overwhelming Friday! But like Brinley said, today is a new day & though the dust may not have settled yet from yesterday, you and Mike GOT THROUGH IT anyways!
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Aunt Carol
4/2/2011 04:34:37 am
You said(seems like months ago) that your new mantra was that "Every Day is a Blessing". I love that!
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Sarah
4/2/2011 05:04:05 am
Meghan, You are amazing. You are teaching us to be brave-no matter what comes along. I was so uplifted by your photography. I hope you will find time to keep it up. I think it will help so much when you are feeling down.
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Laura Martin
4/2/2011 05:35:00 am
Meghan -
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Laura Martin
4/2/2011 06:01:23 am
Also are you familiar with Kris Carr's books and movies? I think you'd like them! http://www.crazysexycancer.com
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Michael_T_Malley
4/2/2011 07:07:53 am
Meghan and Mike,
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amanda K
4/2/2011 07:29:48 am
Good for you for allowing yourself to break down. Its good to let it out and move on to the next day.
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Heather
4/2/2011 08:00:27 am
Meghan,
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Gina Vanderhoff
4/2/2011 09:08:33 am
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Gina Vanderhoff
4/2/2011 09:15:22 am
All sweetness and light upon you tonight. May you enjoy your evening and sleep well. We are here for you and Mike. May God bless you.
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Katie Ceci
4/2/2011 10:32:13 am
I always feel better after a good cry; I hope it made you feel better too. Tears and a good night of sleep always make for a sunnier morning. My thoughts are with you & Mike.
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Diane P
4/2/2011 11:47:47 am
Hey Meg...
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Heather
4/2/2011 12:13:33 pm
Meghan,
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J9
4/2/2011 12:38:44 pm
We got to hear Lee Woodruff speak at ISS this year about her experience when her husband suffered a massive TBI covering the war for ABC news. She said it was like someone tapped her on the shoulder & said come on let's go. And she thought but I'm doing laundry or having lunch with my friend, etc. She was quite literally plucked from life as she knew it - just like you;(. But also just like you, she had fantastic support, prayers, a great hopeful spirit, and definitely some good cries! ... And remember where many of your friends work - when the time is right, we'll steal you a real live Myles cabbage patch kid:)
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Marty and Keely Daley
4/2/2011 02:30:08 pm
I am so glad to hear that you had a good cry and let it all out. Don't be afraid to cry often as I feel it is a cleansing process and it is healing.
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Cousin Amy
4/2/2011 05:04:58 pm
Meghan,
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Beth Webster
4/3/2011 04:03:03 am
Megs - I hope that you're enjoying your Sunday :) Good luck with all of your errands and organizing. Call me tonight if you want to chat. Love you!
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Sheri
4/3/2011 07:12:29 am
Meghan - I'm not sure even where to begin. I've thought about you a lot the last couple of weeks, and I've been waiting for the right words to come into my head. But a smart man (our dad) told me that if I waited for the right words to come, the words will never get said at all.
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Diane Daley
4/3/2011 11:08:25 am
Mehan, I hope you and Mike were able to get some rest. I really love your photos and all I can think is that these pictures are taken through the eyes of a SURVIVOR. The prayer circle keeps expanding.
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Aunt Carol
4/3/2011 01:45:11 pm
Hi guys! I am always thinking about you & keeping the prayers going. There will be times when the rest of the world intrudes into yours and you might not hear from us for a bit....
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Jenny Hoekstra
4/3/2011 02:28:20 pm
Sending you love today and always. :)
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gina Vanderhoff
4/4/2011 12:25:33 am
So glad you got your new bed! It may be your comfort zone! I know mine is!Thinking about you- and with you on Tuesday and Thursday! One day at a time!Can't wait for the LOVE FEST on Sunday!
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Barb A
4/4/2011 01:55:29 am
Sweet Meghan,
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Sara
4/4/2011 02:58:01 am
Meghan ~ Ryan's Mimi (grandmother) always says, "God gave us tears for a reason...to use them." So use every last one when you need to! We are here with you every step of this journey and thank you for letting us into your life as much as you are. You are not alone and we're thinking of you every single day! Sending lots of love to you and Mike! XOXO
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Maureen
4/4/2011 03:34:45 pm
Dear Meghan
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Dana Burch
4/5/2011 12:09:07 am
Dear Meghan -
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