There always seems to be so much on my mind when I sit down to prepare my next update. I can assure you that there is never a shortage of topics or things I want to share. Sometimes the hard part is narrowing down all the things that are running through my mind to figure out exactly what I want to focus my energy on. I guess that is what I do everyday - I choose what to focus my energy on that day and try to tune out the rest. So when people say, "you are so positive" or "you have such a great attitude", I really do appreciate it but it's simply about making the conscious choice to do your best to block out the negative, focus on the positive, and enjoy each moment. But, I also feel that it's important to say that it's not all positive, happy thoughts, 100% of the time. There is a part of me that is sad - every day. There is a part of me that is grieving - every day. There is a part of me that is scared - every day. And there is a part of me that feels lost - each and every single day. But, I go to bed each night watching Mike as he falls asleep, quietly reaching out to hold his hand without waking him, and thanking God for another wonderful day with my husband...because that is all I ever truly want. My hair began to slowly grow back about a month or so ago (while still on Taxol) and within the last couple of weeks it has really started to get longer and thicker. So, last week when we went to the cider mill, I decided to be brave and venture out without my scarf. It might not sound like a very big deal to most, but until you are forced to lose your hair, you have no idea what it feels like to go through these types of transitions. Losing my hair wasn't as devastating as it is to many people, but I became very used to my wig and scarves and aside from when I was inside my house, I had something on my head 24/7. I remember stepping out onto my porch once to get the mail and realized that I didn't have a scarf on and all of a sudden I stood paralyzed, looking around to see if any neighbors saw me. I felt like I was just caught naked by the entire community! So now that my hair is growing back, I have found that it was hard to part with the security blanket that my scarves and wig had become. It feels like another crossroads - the start of a new path. It's a little hard for me to put into words but with my hair growing back it sometimes feels like people will think that means I am all better, or the cancer is gone because chemo is over, and that I can just go ahead and return to my "normal" life. And unfortunately, none of those things are true. Yes, I will now have hair and I won't be as readily identified as a cancer patient without my scarves -but it doesn't mean I am okay. I am reminded of this cancer inside me each and every day when my back aches and throbs, when I am fatigued after lunch with a friend, and when I think of the long road ahead. I am a little nervous that because people say I look good and I will now look even less like a patient, that I will be expected to just put the pieces back together and move on - but please realize this is far from over and I am still fighting. I felt very self-conscious at the cider mill last Sunday, and not to mention cold from the breeze on my head that I hadn't felt in a long time! :) Although my wonderful husband reassured me a million times that I looked beautiful, and that he loved my new "edgy" look, I didn't feel like myself anymore without my scarves. But, I realized that I needed to step outside of my comfort zone once again and take this step forward. I haven't put a scarf back on since. Each day last week I ventured out to different places, all while sporting my new pixie cut. I have become a little more confident and feel a little bit more myself each day - although I am still caught off guard when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or store window. I did wear my wig to our friend Matt's wedding last Saturday because I just didn't feel right without it once I was all dressed up - but that might be the last time I wear it for long while...maybe ever! So what do ya think?!..... And if you are wondering...yes, it is starting to curl in the back, and yes, it is starting to look more and more red each day. I have heard all sorts of stories of women having their hair come back in all kinds of new ways after chemo but something tells me that this little ginger is going to get her red curls back...and I never thought I would say it, but I really hope I do. Through this experience, I have come to really appreciate what I had and the uniqueness that was my hair - getting that back will help me feel a little bit more like myself again...and I miss that. Things are still super busy around here. I continue to struggle to find a balance between social activities with friends, household responsibilities, photography, and doctors appointments. In my mind, I continue to think that I can go, go, go like I used to-but increased back pain has been a reminder lately that I am doing too much and need to rest more. Before surgery, I have four more doctors appointments, four photography sessions, a fundraiser luncheon for The Pink Fund, a family reunion, starting a young adult cancer survivor support group at Karmanos, a few get togethers with friends, the charity fashion show benefiting the YSC, and the amazing benefit concert on Sunday that Patty is planning for us! Just to name a few! ;) Don't worry Mom, I am going to make sure to get plenty of rest in there too. Tomorrow is the fashion show benefiting the Young Survival Coalition - it should be a fun time and if you would like to attend, you can still buy tickets at the door. This Sunday is the wonderful benefit concert that Patty has been tirelessly planning for us. It is going to be such a fun time with fabulous music, and the silent auction items are incredible! I can't believe how generous everyone is! These are just a few of the great items available on Sunday....2 acoustic guitars, Red Wings tickets, two autographed hockey sticks from the Red Wings, an incredible gift bag from Martha Stewart Living including an autographed book and tickets to a live taping in NYC (a package valued at over $400!), an autographed football from Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford, local restaurant gift cards and much more! Patty and Eric from Berkley Music - we are so thankful and truly excited for Sunday! Hope to see you Sunday if you are in our neck of the woods. Thanks again for the continued prayers, love and support for not only myself but for my family too! We truly appreciate each and every one of you!
xoxo, Meghan ps. Mike would like me to mention that he took the colored pic of me posted above. He's finally learning how to work the camera - maybe that means I'll finally get to be in more pics now! :)
36 Comments
Brinley
9/21/2011 02:43:28 pm
WOW!!!!!! Absolutely beautiful, inside & out!!! I can't wait to hear all about the fashion show! And I'll be rockin for you & Mike in FL!!! Love you to pieces!!
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Laura
9/21/2011 05:39:35 pm
Beautiful. You look gorgeous. Keep fighting Meg - I know your life is forever altered, but it is such a great life you live!
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Katie Ceci
9/22/2011 12:06:22 am
Glad the red is coming back full force. You continue to amaze me with your strength. Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday ;)
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Sara
9/22/2011 04:35:41 am
Meg your pixie hair is awesome!!! You look great. Thanks for sharing your progress and thoughts with us ~ your fight team is right there with you & you're doing great. Enjoy all of the upcoming fun! XO
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NANC
9/22/2011 05:09:32 am
Absolutly adorable. Redheads rock! We can all learn a lot from the way you are living your life. xoxo
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Meagan
9/22/2011 06:17:33 am
LOVE LOVE LOVE the short & chic do! I can't believe how much it has grown since you showed it to me a short time ago!
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Barb A
9/22/2011 06:19:25 am
Just want you to know I think of you very often! You look adorable in your pixie do!
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Chelsea
9/22/2011 08:52:58 am
You're so beautiful inside and out, and I love the pixie 'do. Only you could rock that look and still look absolutely gorgeous. Love you much!!
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Sally
9/22/2011 11:02:16 am
OK, sweet thing, your short hair rocks! I think it just shows off more of your beautiful face and I do mean beautiful! I am glad that the red and the curls are coming back but I love the new look too. Actually, you can do no wrong in the looks dept. as far as I'm concerned!
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Elizabeth
9/22/2011 01:20:21 pm
You look so beautiful with the short hair! But what truely makes you beautiful is your honesty and your drive to fight through this thing. You are an amazing woman Meghan. I am so proud to call you my friend. Love you!
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Ree
9/22/2011 02:05:14 pm
awwwe baby girl ..Love the pixie ...your so precious.. i see brows !!
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Jenny Hoekstra
9/22/2011 03:43:55 pm
You put the BEAUT in beautiful! I think about you everyday and pray for support, strength and serenity. I love you. <3 Jen
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Niche
9/23/2011 02:35:03 am
Jenny put it best, You DO put the Beaut in Beautiful! You were awesome last night, so happy to have seen you strut your stuff and see that big gorgeous smile of yours! Your new hairdo is perfect; sexy, sassy and stunning!
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Dave Taylor
9/23/2011 03:48:31 am
Look at all that hair! I'm sooo jealous! I may have to borrow your wig to compete. How would I look as a redhead? Lots of love here @ TRP!
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Meredith
9/23/2011 04:08:09 am
Lookin' good, lovely lady! Not that I had any doubt that you would! I think your new "do" looks fantastic (though I might be a little biased ;-) I'm so grateful for your transparency, always...and I'm not gonna stop telling you that, Meghan! It is, and will continue to be, a gift to so many! Lots of love to you....
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Deb & Bob
9/23/2011 09:55:12 am
Your hair looks absolutely great! And you may find you really like short hair. Less fuss and much less time to get ready.
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Gina V.
9/23/2011 11:37:15 am
Hope to see you Sunday ! Can't wait to see you and the family!
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Julie
9/24/2011 06:56:15 am
You look so beautiful! You have handled each step with such grace and strength. We will all be here for you as you continue this fight.
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Ree
9/24/2011 05:14:45 pm
looking at your pics again..you have been thru sooooooo much in these past few months.. feels
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Sheri
9/25/2011 02:27:46 am
You look and are beautiful no matter what your hair is doing, but I suspect that you will have long red curly hair before you know it. You continue to amaze me when you speak so candidly about your ups and downs. You are a positively brave young woman.
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Mark & Carolyn
9/25/2011 07:30:05 am
Meghan,
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Andrea
9/25/2011 03:09:25 pm
I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I LOVE you hair and you. I think you look so cute with that little pixie cut.
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Roni Hall
9/26/2011 10:52:23 am
You really don't have a clue how cute you look in that short cut, do you? I wish I could wear my hair that short and look even 25% as good as you! Keep smiling and keep lovin'--such good medicine!
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Erin Benson
9/26/2011 11:12:12 am
Twiggy aint got nothing on you baby girl!!!!! To be sad, mad, scared, a bit everyday...hell yeah, you are going through something just awful here, and you are doing it with a strength and courage the likes of which I have never seen. That you have the courage to share your story, with such intense honesty is a gift I will forever be grateful for, as I have said before Meggie girl, you make me want to be a better person! I love you with all my heart, I'm proud to call you my niece.
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Julie Payne
9/26/2011 02:15:16 pm
Meg, You read my mind! I was reading the blog to Brett and stopped to show him the pics aka ADMIRE your gorgeous new do (and Mike's amazing photography) and I said, "I wonder if Meg's hair will be curly and red again?" Scroll down and you answer the question! As always you just shine. It was so great to catch up last week. I wish C-bus was closer, but that probably wouldn't make too many Buckeye fans happy ;0 I think and pray for you throughout everyday. I printed some pics off the blog cause our 6th graders were talking about their hero. I shared your story in a nutshell and about how you are my hero! Now my students ask about how you are doing and I get to share your positive attitude and inspiration not only with the other teachers, but my students, too. I miss you girl and can't wait to get a 210 reunion planned for Christmas. Love you! PS- Mama J says "Rest up you social butterfly!"
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r
9/26/2011 03:17:10 pm
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Ree
9/26/2011 03:24:21 pm
Whoopsie, oopsy F..hit the wrong button... the r above was me sowwie..any whooo
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Chanell
9/27/2011 03:10:18 am
You look fiercy girl! Love ya!
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Liz
9/27/2011 08:59:51 am
I love it Meg!!! You look so beautiful. It's hard to pull off a pixi and you totally nail it. Maybe it's time to get a leather jacket to go with your new edgy look? ;-)
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Usha Ramaprakash
9/28/2011 03:00:16 pm
Hi Meghan,
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Ree
9/28/2011 03:52:04 pm
U do have a beautiful.. head ..ears, nose, eyes, forehead, ,jaw .... must be your bloodline..teehee.. just beautiful you.. xoxoxox..pixie suits you...perhaps you should consider the look..for a keeper.. :)
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Tim
9/29/2011 12:34:02 pm
Hi Megan,
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Becky
9/29/2011 01:40:43 pm
Meghan!!! I love, love, love the hair do! You make me want to go back to my short hair, too. :). I finally got a chance to catch up on your blog. What a treat to read your wonderful news. I applaud your strength and the proof is in your results. I hope we can catch up in person again soon. Tell Mike not to feel bad...my alum husband and father-in-law left too for the same reason. Hugs to you both! Xoxo
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Colleen and Blake
9/30/2011 01:17:14 pm
Hi Shep!
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Kara
10/4/2011 02:47:01 am
I also love your new "edgy" look! :) I think you look so absolutely beautiful! Of course you can rock any hairstyle, of course. :) Love you!
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