Big birthday celebrations are not really his thing. He hates to be the center of attention and never seeks out the limelight. But on this one day of the year, my fabulous husband begrudgingly allows me to spoil him and give him some extra special attention, which he most definitely deserves. Mike would not be a happy camper if I went on and on about how much I adore him, how much he means to me, and what an impact he has had on my life over the last 12 years...see above sentence regarding his discomfort with extra attention. ;) And with my gift of gab, you all know what I really want to do is just that...write sentence after sentence after how incredible he really is. But the thing is, I don't even need to do that. Most of you that are following our journey, know Mike personally...and to know him, is truly to love him. Period. So, as one last birthday gift to my amazing husband, I will not gush about him - I will simply say that we had a wonderful time last Thursday celebrating his birthday. We had a very special and meaningful day together reminiscing about the past, dreaming of the future, and enjoying time with our family and friends. Happy birthday to my very best friend - can't wait to celebrate many more together! The time has now come to round up the troops in order to bombard the heavens with prayers and good vibes. A CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning. Then on Tuesday morning I have an MRI of my thoracic spine followed by a full body bone scan. This is the first time I will have these scans done since I was diagnosed back in March. I have been so busy lately that it doesn't seem like I have had too much time to worry about these tests. But, I am wondering if subconsciously, I am more stressed about it than I thought. For the past week or two, I have been waking up at least 4 times each night, and have had difficulty sleeping for more than 2 hour increments. I wake up in the morning feeling like a zombie, with a sore jaw on top of that from grinding and clinching my teeth. I am really hoping that it's just due to anxiety and it will resolve after these scans are completed. Repeating these tests is obviously scary, stressful, and overwhelming for a lot of reasons - one of which is because it brings me right back to the first few days and weeks of this entire ordeal. What a terrifying time that was for us. This time around I know what to expect, which definitely helps - but I don't think the fear and worry will ever go away. For the rest of my life I will be monitored by scans, tests and blood work and the truth is that as positive as I may be, I will always be terrified of what could happen. The reality is that things could always be worse, the scans could always show progression, and we could once again be faced with devastating news. I pray this is not the case, but I feel that preparing for the worst has helped me deal with whatever may come my way. Early on in this journey, Dr. F explained to us that because my cancer is driven by estrogen, the hormone therapy I start after chemo will actually be my best weapon against this disease. Although we all agreed to start with chemo to try to contain the spread of the disease systemically, it is actually the hormone therapy I will start next that we will expect the greatest results from. With that said, we are prepared that these scans may not show any big changes since chemo started. And that is okay! The key is that we don't want to see any spread of the disease. If I have remained stable, that is good news to us - and if there does show a decrease in the tumor size or spread, that is icing on the cake! I will finish (yes, I said FINISH!!!!) chemo this Thursday, September 1. I can't believe how fast these 15 rounds have flown by. I have some mixed emotions about wrapping up with chemo - it is my routine now, I know what to expect, I feel comfortable there, I know how I will feel afterwards, I know everyone and everyone knows me. But, I also know that it's time to move on to the next hurdle and get on with the show. We leave for Florida with Mom and Doug super early on Friday morning. Yay! Our wonderful friends, John and Paul have invited us to spend Labor Day weekend at their beautiful home in Fort Lauderdale. We are definitely excited for an "end of chemo celebration" which will include sunshine, sandy beaches, and visiting with lots of friends! Not only will we get to stay with John and Paul but we will see one of my mom's best friends, Sally - one of our biggest cheerleaders and supporters! Then later in the weekend, we are meeting up with Brin, Andy and Andrew again!!! We are meeting them in West Palm Beach, along with Brin's wonderful parents, and I am so happy we get to see them again so soon. I am really looking forward to a little getaway to mark the end of a huge chapter of this journey. Next week will bring the official start to the school year and Mike will be back at work full time. I know we are both a little nervous about it, but I am confident it will all work out just fine and I will be okay fending for myself at home. :) Mike is such an incredible teacher and he absolutely loves his job, so I am happy that he will be back in the classroom. I am so grateful to the Waterford Kettering administration and staff for being so amazing and allowing me to have my husband with me each and every day these past five months - I don't know what I would have done without him there with me and I am so appreciative to each of you that allowed that to be a reality for us. A week from Thursday (on September 8), we will go see Dr. F to find out the results of this weeks tests. That will be a major appointment where we will discuss the next part of our game plan and figure out where we go from here. I am definitely having surgery, but there are also a lot of other treatments we may begin right away in the form of oral medications. Later that afternoon, I will also go see Dr. B at Beaumont to discuss final surgery plans and hopefully set the date for my mastectomy. Wow, just typing all of that makes me feel exhausted - let alone going through it. Please keep me in your prayers this week - if you do already, maybe you could throw in a few extras. Please pray that the 4+ months of chemotherapy have stabilized this disease, that my healthy cells have continued to fight, and that my bones have remained strong and stable. Please pray that my incredible doctors and medical team continue to seek the most comprehensive and aggressive treatments available, that they are able to guide us along a healing path, and that they continue to push for more research and discovery for metastatic disease. Please pray that my family and I are able to ease our minds, calm our fears, and stay positive and hopeful throughout the many days of waiting for my test results. I will definitely update everyone next week after our appointments. Until then, I want to pass along a moving and inspirational short film to all of you. It was shared with me by an amazing woman I have met that is also battling metastatic breast cancer. It is a powerful message regarding living with metastatic disease and I plan on playing it over and over again when I need a little boost. Please click here to read a short interview with the film's creator, and be sure to watch the 15 minute movie at the bottom of the page when you have time. Have a great week and a happy Labor Day celebration. A special congratulations to my friend, Stacy! Sorry we are missing your big day - can't wait to see pictures. You will be a beautiful bride! xoxo, Meghan
30 Comments
Doug
8/28/2011 11:59:46 pm
Can't wait to celebrate your being finished with Chemo this coming weekend. It will be a great time to get away, relax, celebrate, and be with friends and loved ones for a short time before taking on the upcoming challenges. We will all be praying for good results from your tests this week, and will be giving our full support, love, and prayers in the upcoming weeks ahead.
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Julie
8/29/2011 01:14:55 am
Thinking of you this morning, and sending good thoughts that the results are positive ones. I truly believe they will be Meg. It really does seem like forever ago when you started chemo and at the same time it went by fast. I am constantly amazed at how strong you are and how well you handled the chemo treatments. I know it was hard, and yet you pushed through it. Keep taking it one day at a time and soon you'll be conquering the next goal. Love you tons,
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Aunt Carol
8/29/2011 01:50:24 am
As always you are one of my very first thoughts in the morning (afternoon, evening, middle of the night.....) I have sent dozens more prayer messages out for you this morning.
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Mary Somers
8/29/2011 06:39:10 am
Dear Meg -----Sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers your way. The video was amazing and so inspiring ! Enjoy your time in Florida----God Bless you and Mike-------love you both----Aunt Mary and Bill :-)
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Mom
8/29/2011 07:16:38 am
Mushee',
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future mom-in-law Diane
8/29/2011 07:56:18 am
Meghan - You are always in our prayers...have a wonderful safe time in Florida - you deserve the break after all the repeat testing this week. Hugs from both of us!
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Patty L
8/29/2011 10:37:36 am
Praying for you constantly and asking directly for clear scans! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the short film. Your ongoing courage and thoughtfulness of others remains amazingly inspirational. I am so happy you have such a wonderful fun trip planned for Florida to help ease the waiting period. I am feeling very positive, girl!! All my love to you and your sweet hubby Mike. Great shot of him by the way. XOXOXOXOXO!!!
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Ree
8/29/2011 01:01:22 pm
but there is hope..love that....thank you for that link..absolutely perfect. I understand why you would want to watch that over and over when you need a lift. I think it will be wonderful for Mike and your mom and dougger as well..and everyone ! watched it twice already today. Happy Birthday Mike ! xoxox
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Kiki
8/29/2011 01:11:12 pm
Mega prayers being sent up Meggie-Poo. So happy that you and the fam are able to take a trip to FL and celebrate being DONE with chemo!!! YAHOO!!!!! So, so happy!
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Gina V.
8/29/2011 01:22:22 pm
Sending BIG prayers your way, as always!
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Brinley
8/29/2011 02:36:51 pm
Sending multiple prayers, positive thoughts & warm sunny wishes your way!
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Sara
8/30/2011 03:18:30 am
We are sending you those extra prayers, Meg! Your strength through all of this has been so remarkable and IS going to be make a difference. Congratulations on your last round of chemo this week, YEA! Have a wonderful time with your family and friends in FL. You deserve it more than anyone I know!
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Chelsea
8/30/2011 05:55:11 am
Sending all the love and prayers in the world to you this week. I am so proud of you and your fight and as always in constant awe of your strength and composure during the past few months. I'll be thinking of you over the next couple weeks, and will definitely be checking in on the blog. Love you so very much. :) XOXO
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Melissa Borg
8/30/2011 01:57:01 pm
Prayers, prayers, prayers...I will be doubling mine up for the next 9 days!!!
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nanc
8/30/2011 02:29:57 pm
Meghan,Thank you for passing on the amazing video. I have someone in mind to pass it along to. Bob and I will be "bombarding", ( love that term), the universe with positive thoughts for you. Have a fabulous time in Florida, and if you see a much younger version of bob in ft. lauderdale, it just might be kevin.
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Nikki
8/30/2011 03:55:27 pm
I will be tripling those prayers ..... Happy b day to mike! You're getting up there; ) I hope you have the best time in Florida as well... Many memories need to be made and captured by that lens of yours!
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Emily Henry
8/30/2011 03:56:02 pm
I hope you have a nice time in Florida and you're able to put your worries away for a few days. We'll be thinking of you & praying that the test results show no further developments. Thanks for being such an inspiration to all of us. You're one tough cookie, Meg.
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Carolyn & Mark
8/31/2011 12:31:27 am
Dear Meghan,
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Meredith
8/31/2011 11:30:11 am
Thanks for sharing that video, Meghan. It is always encouraging to be reminded that there ARE cancer survivors out there who are beating the odds!! I may not be on the exact same journey as you are, but we are fighting for the same goal. I know that whatever that finish line may look like....no one will be able to say we didn't give it our all :-) Lifting you up in prayer as often as you come to mind. And trusting that God's hand is at work among us!
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Jenny Hoekstra
9/1/2011 03:46:32 am
What a powerful video. It's a great reminder that faith, hope and love- never fail. Love you always, Jen
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Molly Heinrich
9/1/2011 04:12:03 am
meghan,
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Niche
9/1/2011 07:47:57 am
Yay MEGHAN! Today you are done with chemo!!! I am so thankful to God for hearing all of our prayers that asked for you to get through chemo as best as possible. And we will all continue to bombard the heavens to ask for the best case scenario and I am confident that you will get through your upcoming surgery and treatments. You are a true fighter and symbol of strength!
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Aunt Carol
9/1/2011 11:04:25 am
Love you Chemo Grad!
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Polly
9/2/2011 02:51:20 am
hear they come thousands of positive thoughts and prays for you. You are such an inspirations. BTW great video.
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Don Hart
9/2/2011 05:12:15 am
I hope that you and Mike and Doug and your mom all have a wonderful time in Florida this weekend! n I'm praying for good (even great!) news on your tests next week. Take care and God bless you!
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Aunt Erin
9/2/2011 05:37:00 am
Hey Sweet girl,
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Marty Hart
9/3/2011 09:34:07 am
Meghan,
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Deb & Bob Hart
9/5/2011 02:52:18 pm
Hope you had a great weekend in Florida - very much deserved! And looking forward to hearing good results from your tests. Glad that pesky chemo is done - your body and soul will appreciate the leniency.
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Kara
9/8/2011 08:38:03 am
Still praying! Hope it's great great news! Can't wait. xoxo
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