It's been five weeks since the difficult news of my last scan results and the #1 thing I have been wanting to share is simply, "thank you"! I truly mean it. Thank you! Thank you for the overwhelming amount of love & support texts & phone calls blog comments & DM's thoughtful check in's at work heartfelt cards & care packages home cooked meals & porch deliveries offers to join me at chemo or help in any way we need. The consistent and unwavering support Mike and I have both received is truly remarkable. There is no way to fully convey our gratitude and appreciation and to let you know what a difference it makes. I know every single person has a lot on their plate these days and is busier than ever. For you to take time out of your life to think of us means so much. My port placement procedure went off without a hitch a little over three weeks ago. It has healed nicely since this picture was taken, but it's still sore and a bit uncomfortable. I'll get used to it over time. The first round of chemo went well too. It was a long day, followed by an incredibly busy weekend filled with love and get togethers from family and friends so the fatigue definitely hit me by the end of the weekend. Unfortunately, I also caught a really nasty head cold that lingered for two weeks and zapped my remaining energy. I get frustrated with fatigue and hate needing to slow down or scale back on things I want to do like exercise, cook healthy meals, and say "yes" to all the things. But other than that, I truly have no complaints about chemo so far. This time of year is always extra sentimental for me since my birthday and the anniversary of my diagnosis are only two days a part. Ever since I was a child, my mom has made a big deal of birthdays, and I've always loved that. And of course, nothing puts birthdays into perspective like a a stage IV cancer diagnosis can. Each birthday celebration is truly the greatest gift I could ever receive. Thank you to everyone who shared sweet birthday wishes! In addition to my birthday, this week is always met with the anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with cancer - March 23, 2011. This one moment in time has divided my life into what feels like two separate worlds...life before cancer, and life after. I guess it was a rebirth and forced me to become a new person in many ways.
One of my very best friends, Kyle, is the most thoughtful person on the planet and has been sending me a dozen, stunning, long stem roses each year on March 23rd...one pink rose for every year I have battled on against cancer. Each year, one additional pink rose, and one less white. We always talked about how amazing it would be to reach the day when the entire bouquet would be pink. What a milestone that would be! That day was today - I made it! Today, Kyle came to visit me during chemo with this gorgeous bouquet in her hand. A dozen pink roses. 12 years. It makes me emotional just thinking about it. Twelve years of cancer and so many hard times emotionally and physically...but twelve years of soooo... much good LIVING! While the road ahead continues to be uncertain, I am filled with love and gratitude this week. And with that...I'm signing off my long winded post to get back to that - living! We are gearing up for a little adventure to Austin and ready to explore a new city and make more memories. Chemo can't hold me down for long! xoxo, Meg
14 Comments
I had a week to think about this latest news, to read the MRI reports and luckily have an impromptu appointment with my radiation oncologist last Thursday when I ran into him at Karmanos while there for blood work and an injection; all before meeting with Dr. F on Thursday morning.
The MRI report and meeting with my radiation oncologist revealed cancerous activity at more than one place in my spine and also elaborated on some of the damage that has remained there for the last few years due to cancer, radiation and other side effects. The good news is that over the last two weeks, the pain in my back has subsided substantially. So while my radiation oncologist said we can definitely radiate this area (even though part of it has already been radiated once), he would suggest waiting to play that card until I absolutely have to. And I agreed. Radiation to the spine carries a great deal of side effects, not only potential damage to the spinal cord, but also damage to surrounding structures. The last bout of radiation I had to my spine left me feeling like I was swallowing glass and resulted in dropping too much weight in a few short days from my inability to eat or drink. My radiation oncologist, Dr. M, assured me I can call him any day, at any time, if my pain returns and I need to get in for radiation. He is simply the best and I am so grateful to have him on my team...and grateful I don't need his care again quite yet! Mom and I headed to my appointment Thursday morning, where we came with a handful of questions, but also a lot of faith in Dr. F and his opinion. Dr. F shared that there are plenty of arguments to support changing my treatment at this point, but just as many to support watching and waiting. These are some of the main points of our pretty long discussion together:
When the study was published in 2016 about the combination of drugs I am currently on, it was hailed as a huge success because the "progression-free survival" rate was 9.5 months. I have been on this treatment for 22 months now so I am extremely grateful for that! And if I can squeak out some more mileage on it, all the better! On another note, I will be meeting with the Phase 1 Clinical Trial doctor at Karmanos in a couple of weeks to see what trials they have. It is a scary thought for me because the phrase "clinical trial" has also felt like the words "palliative" or "hospice"....words you hear when things are extremely dire and there aren't many options left. But luckily, Dr. F explained it to us in a way that made a lot of sense and didn't feel nearly as terrifying. Aside from meeting with the clinical trial doc, Dr. F is going to watch me a little closer for now. I will still have blood work every couple of weeks, injections every 4 weeks, see him every 8 weeks and get scanned again in 3 months instead of 6. I feel in my gut this is the right plan for me at this particular time. I feel good about it - as does Mike, mom and my doctors. So we wait...and we watch...and pray that the pain doesn't return and that these rogue cells chill out and hibernate for a good long while. In the meantime, my blood counts have plummeted once again (never seems to be any rhyme or reason), so I wasn't able to restart my treatment on Thursday. It does explain some of the additional fatigue I have been feeling lately. I will have repeat labs done next Thursday and hopefully restart then. I think that about sums it up. Thanks for all the love and prayers! xoxo, Meg It's not quite the exciting package one hopes for that appeared on the front porch today. No fun new pair of shoes from Nordstrom or random gadget from Amazon. This package is filled with potential to cause a range of symptoms from nausea, vomitting, diarrhea, fatigue, low white blood cell counts and mouth sores...just to name a few. But, this small box of 21 capsules is also filled with hope, potential stability and the return of healthier days. The only thing I do know for sure is that this package is filled with a whole lot of uncertainty. And although I am used to living with a great deal of it, this time the unknown seems a bit scarier. This new medication is one of two new drugs I will be starting this week. This oral medication is called Ibrance, and is also known by the generic name of Palbociclib. Ibrance is what is known as a "targeted therapy". In very simplified terms, targeted therapies aim to attack the cancer cells without harming the body's normal, healthy cells. Therefore, targeted therapies, while they come with their own list of side effects, aren't as toxic as traditional chemotherapy agents. Ibrance is a targeted drug that blocks proteins in the cancer cell which in turn helps prevent the cells from dividing to create new cancer cells. I will be taking Ibance daily for 3 weeks, followed by 1 week off which will allow my body some time to recover and for my blood counts to bounce back up. Due to the high risk of my white and red blood cell counts dropping significantly, I will have blood work drawn every two weeks to make sure I am safe to continue on this treatment. Not only does this week mark the start of Ibrance, but it will also be my first time receiving Faslodex. The drug has the generic name of Fulvestrant and is the intramuscular injection that I will receive every two weeks. The two of these drugs together have shown very promising results in recent studies. You could read about that here. Faslodex is known as an "estrogen receptor downregulator" which means it binds to the estrogen receptor site of cells and causes the receptors to break down, thereby preventing the normal cellular responsen to estrogen. This is important since my breast cancer is fed by estrogen. Even though I am in medically induced menopause, we want to make sure there isn't any other way these cancer cells can by fed by any stray estrongen that may be floating around. I will receive my first injection of Faslodex on Thursday, along with my monthly injection of Zoladex that keeps my ovarian function supporessed. On Friday I will meet with a gynecological oncologist at Karmanos to discuss my surgery to have my ovaries removed. Fingers crossed that I tolerate this treatment well with as minimal side effects as possible. And of course, that this treatment plan is successful! I have blood work next week to check how my counts are responding and will then see Dr. F the week after that to see how I am tolerating the treatment. It sounds like I will have scans in about 3 months to see how things are looking. As always, thank you so much for the love and prayers. Please keep them coming! xoxo, Meg ps - We just got back from a trip to California where I was invited to the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation Metastatic Breast Cancer Collateral Damage Project. I am really looking forward to sharing more about that soon. But until I have the energy to write that post, enjoy these little snapshots of my free day spent with Mike. :) There is no doubt about the fact that cancer is one sneaky beast. Lurking in the darkness. Slowly creeping up through the shadows and rearing it's ugly head at any time. I have always known this. I have lived this while watching relatives and friends face the disease before I did. But it is another thing altogether when cancer sinks its fangs into you. I have been neglecting the blog so much over the last couple of years because truthfully, all has been relatively stable for me since my recurrence at the end of 2014. Life has been full and busy - just like I have always liked it. Work, photography, travel, family, pups, friends, cooking...fitting as much into each day as possible. This summer I was feeling the best I have in years. One of my bff's and I devoted ourselves to a morning bootcamp class before work and I faithfully attended for about 12 weeks. It felt so good to finally feel more like myself - energized, strong, and comfortable in my own skin. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly that can all change. On September 15th I awoke around 2am to excruciating back pain...the kind that is impossible to describe unless you have experienced bone pain from cancer. I have felt this before and know it all too well. I felt like my back was going to shatter in a million tiny pieces. I woke Mike up and asked him to please try to rub my back in the hopes of some relief. To make a long story short, after suffering through the work day and barely getting through it, I ended up in the ER that night. This started a cascade of events which have led to where we are today. At the risk of skipping some details, but saving some energy, here is the "highlight reel".... ;) -Completed bone scans, CT scans and spine MRI's the last week of September -Learned on Sept 29th that I had progression in my spine at multiple levels which also caused my T8 vertebrae to be fractured -Underwent high dose radiation treatments to my spine every day before work for two weeks which concluded on October 14th -After initially only feeling some fatigue and slight nausea, I encountered severe side effects the week after radiation ended. My esophagus was an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire of radiation and the damage was unexpected and extremely painful. It was not a sore throat due to the radiation burn that you would expect. It was more like trying to swallow glass through a tube that had narrowed down so tight that even water caused ridiculous pain and coughing. It become so bad that I avoided food and liquid altogether; resutling in a 8 pound weight loss over 4 days, along with severe exhaustion and overall feeling like crap.
-Could finally start eating towards the middle/end of last week and have been feeling MUCH better! So, that brings us to today. I went in this morning for a follow up with Dr. F, my oncologist. It is too exhausting to detail right now but basically, I thought he wanted to stay the course on my current treatment because it has been keeping the rest of my body free from disease and limiting the disease to my spine. I was taken by surprise this morning when he immediately stated he wants to switch my treatment plan completely to two targeted therapy drugs. I had been feeling in my heart that it was time to switch treatments but I guess I just didn't expect it today and I wasn't prepared. It unleashed a flood of emotions and uncertainties about the future.... What will these side effects be like? Will this change my quality of life? Will I be able to maintain my normal busy schedule? Will I feel nauseous? Fatigued? Lose/gain weight? Will this work and for how long? What if I have another progression soon and blow through yet another treatment option? What if it doesn't keep the disease limited to the bone? What will happen if this fails? I have been beyond blessed these last 5 1/2 years to maintain a pretty great quality of life despite all I have been through. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to start to head down that road of jumping from one treatment to the next because things have stopped working. I don't want to hear, "there is nothing else we can do for you". I learned tonight that another young friend with MBC was just told those exact words yesterday. She has entered hospice and it's just heartbreaking. The other tough part of today was making the decision to finally have my ovaries removed. My disease is fed by estrogen so my ovarian function has been medically suppresed since I was first diagnosed...first through chemo and immediately following through that lovely shot of Zoladex I receive every single month. Dr. F has always said that there is no real difference between the Zoladex and having my ovaries surgically removed. I told him to tell me point blank if it would better my chances for survival to have them removed and he said the research can't prove that. So, we decided to stay on Zoladex and not rock the boat by having surgery. Well, today he finally said, "If it was me, I would have them out." That's all I needed to hear. I know it will be a pretty straightforward laproscopic procedure, and I am not worried about the surgery itself at all. But it just feels like another huge punch in the gut. Another glaring reminder of all that cancer has robbed from me. I feel like I have been dismantled piece by piece of all that makes me a woman - the loss of my hair, my eyelashes, my breasts, my ovaries, my ability to bear children. It is a pain that runs so very deep and having my ovaries removed opens that wound up...a wound I have tried so desperately to close up and allow to heal. My new treatment plan will consist of two new drugs I will write more about later. They are extremely expensive so I have to wait to start them until I receive insurance authorization and I don't know when that will be. I will take an oral pill daily for 3 weeks and then have 1 week off, then repeat. The other drug is an intramuscular injection that I will receive in the good ole' tush. I will receive it every 2 weeks for the first 3 rounds and then every 4 weeks after that. There are side effects of these new drugs that are highly likely, including a significant decline in my blood counts which will place me at high risk for infections as well as cause fatigue. There are many other possibilities but these are the most likely. I will have blood work completed every 2 weeks to make sure my counts stay in a range that is safe enough to receive the treatment. So this is where we are, friends. This is the plan until this disease starts crawling back up from the darkness and threatening to rock our world once again. But, with each attack it wages, I will beat it back down and chase it right back into the shadows...running it out of the sunshine where I choose to live my life. Please keep me in your prayers. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and down right now, which is not a place I like to be. Please keep Mike and my family in your prayers. Spefically, please pray for wisdom for our medical team to help us to make the right choices for my care; for strength to endure whatever may come our way; and for faith and perserverance while remembering that we are in God's hands and are loved and cared for every step of the way. I promise to write more soon and keep you all updated. Thank you for always being the most incredible support system anyone could every ask for. It is appreciated more than you will ever know! xoxo, Meg Night time used to be my favorite part of the day. The time when Mike and I would cozy up in bed together and I would half jokingly, but half seriously, prod him to tell me his "hopes and dreams" for the future. In a particularly funny voice, I would say it the same way every time, "Sooo....what are your hopes and dreams?" He would always laugh and roll his eyes at me and it became a silly game we would often play. But all joking aside, I loved those conversations about our dreams for the future....where would we want to live, what trips were we going to take, what did we want to name our kids. Mike has always had this incredible way of simply living in the moment and being completely content with that. While I have always been a planner and a dreamer. Not to say I wasn't content with where we were in that moment, but I loved dreaming of the future and what our life would look like. It's one of the most difficult things that cancer has taken from me. I am grateful that after almost five years of living with this disease, I have learned how to plan and dream again. But it's simply not the same. I have to add little disclaimers to my hopes and dreams now when Mike and I talk about them...."If I make it to 40, let's do _______", or "let's go on that trip next year...if my scans are okay." Have you ever seen "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"? When I think and dream about the future, it's like a scene from that movie with these incredibly beautiful landscapes, bright and vivid colors....and then all of a sudden it's as if my dream balloon pops and I am struck in the face with the reality of living with an unpredictable disease, and my dreams turn to black and white, void of all the magic in that colorful fantasy world. No matter how hard I try, I cannot dream with the same reckless abandon that I once could. Of course every situation has two sides to the story and I like to believe there is always a silver lining to be found. Over these last few years, I have come to appreciate living in the moment more than I ever did before. I have learned that I can still have dreams of the future, but instead of 10 or 20 years down the road, I talk to Mike about my dreams for next year and what we want our life to look like. I suppose it's all about learning how to handle the cards that are dealt to you. It reminds me of one of my very favorite quotes.... I am so grateful that many of my hopes and dreams have come to fruition over the last few years. And even more recently, a big one was a family vacation we all took to Mexico the day after Christmas. The older I get, the more I realize that we really don't need much to be happy in this life. All of the material possessions just don't do it for me anymore. I have the hardest time trying to give my family ideas for gifts for Christmas or birthdays. All we really need is to be surrounded by those we love and share experiences that bring us joy and memories we can hold onto. I was so happy when my family agreed with me last year that rather than exchanging gifts for Christmas, we should take a family trip together. I don't think I had been on a vacation with my brother since I was in the 7th or 8th grade! We all left for Mexico the day after Christmas and not only celebrated the holiday there together, but Mike and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary and we all rang in another new year! I am so grateful for this time together and it was a week I will cherish forever. I have been feeling really well overall. Just dealing with some fatigue that seems to be worse lately and some aches and pains that truthfully probably have more to due with aging and having a physically demanding job. Can't blame everything on cancer I guess. ;) I am scheduled for another round of scans on Monday, March 13th and will get the results that Thursday, on St. Patrick's Day. I am taking that as a good omen for this Irish girl! And hey, if the results aren't good, at least I can drown my sorrows in some green beer, right?! :) Please keep us in your prayers at that time in particular, because I am still enjoying a very good quality of life on these current meds and truthfully, I am fearful that treatments down the road might not be so kind.
I am going to try to make more of an effort to keep up with the blog. Not only to share what has been going on with me, but also because it is a cathartic experience and I think it's important I make it a priority for myself. There are times when I am feeling down that it really helps me sort through my feelings, or look back on all I have been through in order to help give myself a little pep talk to keep on truckin'. I am also grateful it has served as a time capsule of sorts since this journey began and I want to make sure I contine that. I can't believe I only posted twice last year so hopefully I will take some time to document some of the great things that happened, like throwing out the first pitch at the Tigers Game! It was a pretty amazing experience! So, now here I sit during my new favorite time of the day...the very early morning (of Saturday or Sunday in particular), before the sun rises. If I haven't run myself ragged the day before, I am able to crawl out of bed when Gracie wakes me at 6:00am. The house is dark, as is the entire neighborhood. After feeding the dogs, I start the fireplace and sit with a cup of coffee on the couch. This is the one time of the day where I allow myself to bask in the quiet, in the stillness that surrounds me, and be alone with my thoughts. It is in this time of the day that I enjoy the gift of another sunrise, another day full of hope and possibilities...and that in itself is enough...a dream that has already come true. xoxo, Meg ps - Happy Valentine's Day to all of you...just an extra excuse to tell those you love just how much you appreciate them. Nothing better than that. So with that said, I hope you know how much I genuinely appreciate all of you who continue to be amazing friends and devoted family and those who keep us in our prayers even if you have never met us. Sending you lots of love today! That's right, folks....the breakfast menu for tomorrow morning is a whopping serving size of barium sulfate! Woohoo! Just how everyone wants to start off their Monday morning, right?
In case you aren't following my late night, exhausted attempt at humor...this means I am getting my next round of scans done first thing at the morning tomorrow. I will head to the hospital with Mike around 7:30am and we will likely be there until mid-afternoon getting a few different tests and bloodwork done. Downside - it's a long and exhausting day. Upside - Mike took the day off to go with me so at least I get an entire day with him by my side. We have both been so ridiculously busy lately that I am really looking forward to spending the day together, even if it means sitting in the lovely Nuclear Medicine Department all morning. If you have some prayers, good mojo or healing thoughts you could send my way, I would sincerely appreciate it! It truly does ease the "scanxiety" knowing you are all cheering me on and sending positive thoughts into the atmosphere. I have lots of updates it seems, especially about all of the hard work I have been doing to promote MBC and young survivors at the Komen Detroit Race for the Cure this year! It is late and I have to get to bed, but I promise to update soon. If I don't get a chance this week since it's going to be a nutty one again, please at least spread the word to anyone who is local, to please register for the Komen Detroit Race for the Cure this year and come see what we have been doing - especially for those women who are metastatic. Here is a little sneak peek at one of the great things we have in store for race participants. http://www.karmanoscancer.org/KomenDetroit/SubPage.aspx?id=2147485238 Please join us next Saturday at Chene Park in Detroit or make a donation to "Team Malley Rally" here. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. Won't see Dr. F until a week from Thursday for my results. Waiting is soooo....fun. (insert sarcasm here) xoxo, Meghan And because I can't possibly have a post without sharing some pics...here are some quick iphone shots of the fun we had together on Mother's Day while cheering on the Tigers! What a beautiful Easter Sunday it was today! I think it might finally be safe to say that spring has officially arrived. Thank goodness for that. When the sun is shining and I can feel the warmth on my face, it immediately boosts my spirits. As I sat in church this morning and celebrated this holy day, I also couldn't help but reflect on how grateful I was to even be there. Three years ago, I laid in bed for days - including Easter Sunday because of how awful I felt after my very first round of chemotherapy. Sometimes it seems like yesterday - and other times it seems like another lifetime. Last month I celebrated my 32nd birthday and two days later, I celebrated my 3rd cancerversary. It's always a very emotional time for me - full of reflection, gratitude and heartache. I can't believe all I have endured - physically & emotionally - and although it's rare for me to ever give myself a pat on the back, I will say that I am so proud of myself for all I have been able to get through. Some days are harder than others - but I have managed to get through each and every one of them. Here is what I shared on facebook on March 23rd. "Three years ago today, my world was changed forever after receiving news of what felt like a death sentence. These past few years haven't been easy but I can truly say that I have experienced more joy and happiness than I ever thought would be possible again. I've learned to never give up hope and to make a difference with my life. "Life is too short" sounds like a cliche until circumstances force you to realize how true it really is. So make it count! Thank you to my incredible family & friends for being there for me every step of the way. And to my amazing husband, Mike...thank you for never leaving my side- through the good and the bad. I couldn't do this without you and I thank God for you every day. Thank you so much for all of the birthday love! I am truly grateful to be celebrating another year and growing older...a privilege denied to many." The day before my birthday, I also had an appointment with Dr. F. We discussed a lot of different things, primarily related to a few different side effects I have been experiencing from my treatments. Nothing major - but of course it ended up in scheduling something like 10 appointments in the next 12 weeks. Ugh! I have had some drama since with a hematologist regarding my platelet count, but I'll fill you all in on that another time.
We also ended up scheduling my next round of scans, which will be Monday, June 2. I will then get my results on Thursday, June 12. So, start firing up those prayers. :) I have lots of other updates including great improvements I am helping make at the Detroit Race for the Cure this year to recognize women with metastatic breast cancer and young women facing breast cancer, information about this year's Ride for the Cure, as well as information I am hoping to share after attending the Living Beyond Breast Cancer's Annual Conference for Women Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer which will take place next weekend in Philadelphia. I will definitely try to update more soon. For now, thank you so much for your constant love, support and prayers. I am truly grateful and blessed to never walk this road alone. xoxo, Meghan I find that I come to this safe place - my safe place - to bear my soul and shed my tears during some of the toughest times. It is my way to cope, to attempt to lift some of the pain and heartache through pouring out my thoughts and emotions - and it helps build me back up through your caring and thoughtful words and messages. You will never know the depths of my gratitude for that. What I hope that others realize, is that I truly do have {many!} more good days than bad. I have had such a great year so far, filled with many great memories and fun times - despite all of the hard times and huge losses. It's just that I don't find myself coming to the blog as often when things are going so great. I am out living it up and packing as much into my days as possible. This passage sums it up best and truly resonates with my soul.... I realized I should try to take some time to write and share my thoughts on the good days too. I know that somehow this blog has come into the lives of so many others living with chronic disease, or those newly diagnosed and I want you all to know that life can truly be filled with so much joy and happiness despite the circumstances that we happen to be in with our health. The past few months have been packed with great times. Mike and I, along with Mike's Uncle Pat, joined my friend Kyle for the Susan G. Komen Mid-Michigan Ride for the Cure. Kyle and I completed the hilly 30 mile course, while Mike and Uncle Pat were rockstars completing the grueling 100 mile trek! It was a really fun day and I'm so grateful I was feeling well enough to do this. Thank you to everyone that donated to our team or cheered us on from afar. Mike and I have had a blast at a few of our friends weddings, we have been loving our new home & neighborhood (and renovated kitchen!), and staying busy with working a lot - while we each continue to take on new projects. {A quick little before & after shot of the kitchen. I put an entire album of pics on my facebook page if you want to see more of our remodel.} Two weekends ago, my wonderful friend Brinley and her sweet little Andrew came to visit from West Palm Beach. It had been over a year since I had seen them and our little reunion couldn't have been more perfect! We packed in so many fun things, enjoyed amazing fall weather, and shared tons of laughs - just like we always do when we are together. It seriously does my heart so much good when I am with them, and I couldn't be more grateful that they made the trip up here. (We missed you, Andy!) Here are just a few shots from our weekend together... Another cool thing that has happened recently is that I was asked to be included in a panel of some of the top cancer researchers and oncologists in Michigan, for Ambassador Magazine's cancer awareness issue. I was honored to be representing cancer patients on this panel of clinicians, and it was a very interesting conversation to be a part of. The magazine was recently published (with none other than Jennifer Aniston on the cover!) and I received my copy in the mail last week. Pretty cool, huh?! On the medical front, I have had my usual injections every 4 weeks and have continued to see Dr. F every 8 weeks. Things continue to look pretty good, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. We have scheduled my next round of scans, which will be the first week of December. I am hopeful that I will still be N.E.D (no evidence of disease) and can enjoy the holidays (and our recently planned trip to California!) to the fullest.
As we are in the midst of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I could (and probably should) devote an entire post to my thoughts about awareness vs. action, "Pink Washing" and all sorts of other thoughts about what is great and not so great about this month. But for now, I would just like to honor my amazing friend, Jen Smith who passed away last month. Take a minute to watch her video or check out her books to learn how to "live legendary" despite the hand that is dealt to you in life. Lastly, and definitely most important, I would please like to ask all of you amazing prayers warriors to extend those prayers to my Aunt Bev and her family. My mom's older sister, Bev has been dealing with lots of medical appointments and tests recently, and today underwent major surgery which also helped to confirm what she is dealing with. We know it is cancer, likely ovarian, and has spread throughout parts of her abdomen. After she recovers from this surgery, she will be starting chemotherapy. Please keep her, my Uncle Herm and cousins in your thoughts and prayers. I am also requesting prayers for my entire Daley family - my grandma, my mom and all of her siblings, and my cousins. It just seems like everyone has such serious things going on right now and major tragedies to deal with, and it breaks my heart for everyone. I'm just thankful we all have each other to help get through. xoxo, Meg Yesterday, I was introduced to NED! "No evidence of disease"!!!!
I saw Dr. F for my results of my latest round of scans and immediately burst into tears when they told us that the scans looked great and that I was still boring just like 6 months ago. :) But, what shocked me even more was the fact that the bone scan said there was no evidence of metastatic disease in my bones! Well, hello there NED!!!! Now, let me please explain that Dr. F doesn't put a whole lot of stock in those words. He said he doesn't get "overly excited or impressed" and that these scanning machines are not perfect. He says it's much like looking down from an airplane and trying to see a dandelion in a field. It's near impossible to spot just one but if there are a lot of them in a big patch, you can see them easily. So, he basically means I still could have little isolated cancer cells in my body but right now there isn't enough of them to be detected on the scans. I have always understood this and I am okay with that. I understand that sometimes people hang their hats on "NED" and then they have a scan a few months later that shows a change and they have a huge let down after feeling like they were as close to "cancer free" as possible. I truly understand that and I have always been happy to hear that I am "stable"...but for right now...for just a few days (or months)...I am going to be extremely thrilled that I am hanging out with NED! I know it doesn't mean I am cancer free or that I am cured. It means that right now my medicine continues to work and keep me in remission. It means that I can continue with my current treatment. It means that my bones, although still damaged, are healing. And most importantly, it means that I can continue having a really amazing quality of life. The few side effects I experience from my meds (hot flashes, fatigue, joint aches) are so minimal in the scheme of things and I don't let a day go by where I am not grateful for that. There are still little things we will keep an eye on. My platelets are on the low side and I have been having a lot of issues with bruising. If those continue to drop, I will have to have a bone marrow biopsy to see if my meds are impacting my body's platelet production. There are a few other minor issues I have been having but nothing big and nothing that Dr. F is really worried about. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your support, love and prayers! I couldn't be happier and couldn't be more grateful. I do believe in the power of prayer - I believe in God's ability to work miracles and I am not giving up the faith that maybe there is one in store for me. It has taken me this long to truly be able to even put those words out in the universe, but maybe - just maybe, I could live a long, healthy life in complete remission without this awful beast robbing me of my future. For now, I am believing that this can happen for me and I will continue to fall asleep each night with a smile on my face...dreaming of NED. ;) With a grateful and overjoyed heart, Meg xoxo New favorite word #1.....STABLE! The scan results are in and everything looks good! Stable...no evidence of active disease...nothing new...continued healing of the affected spots throughout my spine. Can I get an "AMEN!".....Woohooooo!!!!!!!
Second favorite word..."Boring". That's what Dr. F called me today and I take that as the biggest compliment I have received in a long time. I have yearned to be "boring" - medically speaking, anyways. Although Dr. F doesn't get all excited and enthusiastic, he did express his satisfaction with these results and said we will just keep the course since it seems to be working well and keeping my disease dormant...and that's what we are hoping and praying for, for a long long time! No other real news to report - I will continue with my two injections into my abdomen every 4 weeks, follow up with Dr. F every 8 weeks and continue to be scanned every 6 months. I wish there were better words for me to use to truly convey my appreciation and gratitude to all of you for your love, support and prayers...but really there is nothing else I can say except for a HUUUUGGGEEEE, "THANK YOU!" Thank you so very much for everything. Truly. You have no idea how much comfort and hope it brings me to know so many people are thinking of us, praying for us, and supporting us. It really does make a huge impact on Mike and I, and I hope you all know how immensely grateful we are. What an incredible start to 2013! If these results are any indication of what this year has in store for us, I think it's going to be an amazing year. Happy New Year to all of you and I wish you all nothing but health and happiness in 2013! xoxo, Meg |
AuthorMy blog to keep you all Archives
December 2021
Categories
All
|